so much has happened since i last posted! i've completed one of my life goals- to see a relient k concert! it was soooo much fun. Kayla went with me and we ended up really close to the front. They are my favorite band of all time. they have a song for everything and often bring a new perspective on things. I just love their music. it was so nice to finally be able to attend one of their concerts and such a blessing to have Kayla with me- sometimes i don't know what i would do without her! :) I was able to jump and sing a long to some of my favorite songs. The place was jammed packed and i'm not gonna lie, i sweated more than i ever have in my life. it was really gross. but you get to the point where you just don't care because everyone else around you is sweating too. once you stop being self conscious you can really let go and just have fun! so, the concert lived up to my expectations and was so much fun. i can't even explain.
as i have mentioned before, the last year of my life was pretty much spent existing. as i move on and start living again, i have been thinking a lot about passion. the depression i have come out of is a place i never, ever, want to be again. not ever. i mean, you can have bad days, but i don't ever want to get into a rut like that again. one thing i think a lot of people lack is passion. so, i am going to make a list about things i'm passionate about and then begin to do things, get actively involved, in those things. I talk about that on my youtube page with my best friend, Jeanine. we are going to be challenging eachother in this area. i will be putting up another video on this subject on our page. you can find us at: www.youtube.com/betweenusfriends. we are vlogging back and forth and are sometimes entertaining.
this week i have had a paradigm shift. I'm not going to go into detail, because it involves some things that i'd rather not everyone know. haha. at least, not upon not knowing me at all first. but, i have found perspective on something that i didn't have any on before. It's really amazing! it's like, not only have i come out of the depression and am happy now, but now i have motivation back which is a sweet thing! seriously. it's so good to be alive and have goals to work toward. i've realized that no one can go through life without getting a little messed up, that no one can lead the perfect fairy tale life. I kind of knew that before, but all of a sudden it has sunk in and i have taken it to heart. people tell you that you make decisions that will lead you somewhere in life. and that as long as you make good ones, you'll be fine. i'm not dismissing this. but, it's not always true. and, one thing they neglect to tell you is that sometimes it's not you who fully makes decisions. You get close to people and you make decisions together, or let them make them for you. and sometimes you get in over your head. ultimately it is you that made the decision, cause you let them in, and you have to take responsibility for that, but it wasn't entirely your fault. you only half made the decision. and some people bring out different sides to you. it's complicated and maybe it's one of those things you have to learn for yourself. who knows. Sometimes, you were meant to love someone for a reason other then to have them love you back and have a happily ever after. because we learn from loving others and having others love us.
so, this week i've had to finally cut ties with someone i love dearly. I have to take big steps backwards. we remain great friends, but have to give up something we once had. because it wasn't right. it wasn't healthy. and it wasn't beneficial. but we learned. and sometimes that's enough.... sometimes we aren't meant to stay forever. This is all new to me. I have never, ever had to give up someone who was close to me. i've only ever had about three people who were so close to me that they know just about all there is to know, and i know all there is to know about them. I don't trust easily and am a very passionate person when it comes to friendships. and now i've had to let one of those people go... and it's hard. but it was time. it's for the best. and i praise God for all that i have gotten out of the relationship. I made some very big mistakes in that relationship. but they were made in a safe environment and i have learned from them. so many things i knew, and life perceptions have been challenged and changed. and now it's time to move on...
i'm excited for what the future holds! :) I'm excited to pursue life, a passionate one.
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