Ever since I've been back from my honeymoon I've been job searching. For me, this is something very much out of my comfort zone. I'm not huge on talking about myself especially in ways that I feel is almost bragging. The idea behind this is basically trying to sell yourself to a company. Which is just awkward.
Applying for and interviewing for jobs seems so weird to me. I understand that you have to try and give the potential employer your skills and history and a taste of who you are. But it all seems so meaningless. I can't tell you in fifteen minutes, a half hour, or even a whole day who I am. Why you should hire me? You have to see it for yourself. I could say all kinds of things to trick someone into hiring me and totally be lying. Not that I do. But I could. It all seems so ridiculous.
Plus, in this technological age (and this is coming from a computer nerd!) my application and resume get lost in a sea of others. A piece of paper with my skills on it. It's people judging me on what I have accomplished and what I know rather than who I am and what I can do in the future. It messes with my brain and I have to try REALLY hard to remember that my identity is not in the job I have or what these potential employers think of me. That isn't where my worth is. But how hard is it to not think that when you're basically giving someone a rundown of your personality and skills and asking them to tell you if you're good enough. Absurd!
Even though the whole process is foreign to me and this is the first time I've had to do it I have obtained a job! On the 31st I start down at Elks Rehab as a medical scanner. I'm excited to be doing something new. In all honesty, I'm excited to be doing anything at all. I've been so bored. It will be part time and temporary, but I'm excited just to get my foot in the door.
I have a hard time finding value in the processing part of life. I like results. So this time of not working has been hard for me... for the reasons I mentioned above and just trying to be patient. Not to mention the fact that I'm a workaholic. But I have learned quite a bit. I'm excited to see what's in store for me :)
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Settling In
So... I'm married now. The question people have been asking me lately is 'how's married life?' I'm not really sure what kind of answer people are looking for when they ask this. I mostly just say 'really good'. I think it's just something people feel the need to ask without REALLY wanting an answer. Oh culture.
But the truth is that married life IS going really well. Everyone tells you that being married is never what you think it's going to be. That you can't really anticipate what it will be like. So Travis and I were expecting that. But really marriage is more like we thought it was going to be then we thought it was going to be. If you can follow that. haha. It was a really natural progression. Granted it's only been a few weeks. But it's been fabulous! The hardest thing to do when we were engaged (at least for me) was to part at night. And now we don't have to. It isn't weird to live with a guy, which is what lots of women say. We're settling in and it's just really nice.
Obviously we have a lot of growing to do and we're both excited about that. God put us together for a purpose and right now we're praying and sorting out what that looks like for this time in our life. We're excited to work for God as a team and be stretched in our faith while growing in unity with HIM and each other. It's just finally nice to be together all the time. It's much easier to stay on the same page and be unified.
Plus, there's the fun of learning each others little quirks. haha. One of the first nights we got back from our honeymoon we were making the bed. I started jumping on the bed and Travis soon joined in. "Who let us be adults?" Travis asked and I just laughed. As much as we have and are growing up I hope that we never lose the silliness. I honestly believe that it helps a person to not take themselves too seriously. I'm super blessed to be married to man who finds the value in silliness. I love laughing :)
But the truth is that married life IS going really well. Everyone tells you that being married is never what you think it's going to be. That you can't really anticipate what it will be like. So Travis and I were expecting that. But really marriage is more like we thought it was going to be then we thought it was going to be. If you can follow that. haha. It was a really natural progression. Granted it's only been a few weeks. But it's been fabulous! The hardest thing to do when we were engaged (at least for me) was to part at night. And now we don't have to. It isn't weird to live with a guy, which is what lots of women say. We're settling in and it's just really nice.
Obviously we have a lot of growing to do and we're both excited about that. God put us together for a purpose and right now we're praying and sorting out what that looks like for this time in our life. We're excited to work for God as a team and be stretched in our faith while growing in unity with HIM and each other. It's just finally nice to be together all the time. It's much easier to stay on the same page and be unified.
Plus, there's the fun of learning each others little quirks. haha. One of the first nights we got back from our honeymoon we were making the bed. I started jumping on the bed and Travis soon joined in. "Who let us be adults?" Travis asked and I just laughed. As much as we have and are growing up I hope that we never lose the silliness. I honestly believe that it helps a person to not take themselves too seriously. I'm super blessed to be married to man who finds the value in silliness. I love laughing :)
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Transitions
I've been meaning to blog for so long now and haven't had a chance to just sit down and write. Which oddly enough kind of goes in with the theme of what I'm blogging about today. Funny how that works! But as a side not I enjoy writing an awful lot and it usually helps me sort out my thoughts in a way that talking simply doesn't.
I feel as though my life right now is one huge transition. Everything is changing in the next few weeks. I like my life to have routine. I enjoy list making and knowing exactly what things are going to look like so I can plan accordingly. I can handle chaos as long as it's in one area. Right now life simply isn't that way and it's definitely taking a tole. I would like to say that even though I'm in this weird transition place, I can see the upcoming adventure and am doing my best right now. But it's simply not true. I'm horrible at these things. So many things are happening at once and I feel as though I don't have a handle on any of them.
For starters, I'm getting married. Which is super exciting! Only 23 days. But so many things come before that. I'm very task oriented and most things are done. That's not the problem. The problem is I'm not very good at what Travis and I label 'things'. Haha. I don't like being in front of people. At least not as the center of attention. I'm only now learning what it looks like to live life in community and let people in. The idea of standing in front of people (all of them staring at me) and making a covenant between God and Travis is daunting. It's personal and lovely and lots of other things but it's so nerve racking. My general response to this type of thing is to simply shut down completely... it's my past pattern. I DON'T want to do that and am going to have to fight not to. I do want people there and want to live in community it's just hard. It's a stretch for me. I can do it. I can. and I will. It's simply exhausting to know that shortly here I will have to deal with family from out of town and trying to schedule time with people and on and on...
The other hard part is just not being married. In my heart and mind the commitment to Travis and our relationship is already there. It's done. The fact that all that stands between him and I being husband and wife is a technicality is very hard for me. I'm definitely NOT a patient person. Most people would say I'm crazy but waiting three more months then I wanted to to get married has been super hard. I'm not good at finding the balance in things and I'm having a hard time being vulnerable and pouring everything into our relationship when I'm not married. It's honestly painful for me. I'm all ready to be a wife and am simply waiting to be one. Goodness. I'm working through it... so there's that whole thing.
Secondly, the job situation has been stressful and I'm only anticipating it getting more so. A bunch of people are getting their hours cut or have been let go. Luckily I am not one of them. However, this also means that a bunch of my kids are getting moved up, I'm losing a coworker, and am going to be doing all of the work in my room for the same pay. Not fun. With everything that's going on the general attitude at work is not exactly happy as you can imagine. I just found out about all this on Monday so I'm still processing through a lot of it. There are some things I'm excited about. I generally like working alone and I think a smaller class size will be really nice. However, I know that the high expectations I try to set for my classroom will not be able to be met by just me. Which is super frustrating. I don't like settling for less. I want my kids to have the best. So I have to sit down and revamp my lesson plans and cleaning list and schedule and all that. Those are things I enjoy doing though :)
Another problem I've been having with my job though is communication with one of my parents. I won't go into great detail because that's not helpful but it's just been really stressful. I feel as though people should have to take communication classes to live life. Seriously! I understand that sometimes mis-communications happen. But it's a continual thing. It's hard for me to meet expectations when they are not communicated to me or if what they're saying is in fact not what they actually mean. It's very frustrating. For everyone involved. Not to mention it's literally reeking havoc in my classroom. So there's that.
Third, tonight was my last night of Renewal. As sad as I am to be leaving all my girls, I really do think it's the best thing. Big groups of people are not my thing (in case you hadn't guessed) and it's taken me this long to even feel like I'm starting to get into the routine. I'm starting up Student Venture at Mtn. View with Travis. I'm super excited to be getting into student ministry with my husband to be! I'm super excited to see what God has for us. Not a whole lot of stress here... I'm just not exactly sure what to expect and it's just another new thing. Plus, I will have lots more responsibility in this ministry. But I'm actually really stoked for it :)
So definitely all of those things add up. I think part of the problem is that I had just not anticipated feeling overwhelmed and it kind of took me by suprise. I wasn't prepared. However, I think my biggest problem is this next one: not spending enough time with God. Big suprise there. Right? No. Exactly. I'm trying to figure out my routine for when I'm married and it's started this cycle. I'm trying to get up earlier in the mornings for quiet time. Previously I've been doing my quiet time at night. But I know that once I get married I'll want to go to bed at the same time a Travis and he has been doing his quiet time in the morning. I've been trying. But the I'm so not a morning person. It's been like pulling teeth to get out of bed in the morning even with Travis giving me a wake up call. And then I haven't been able to sleep which has only added to the problem. So yeah. There's that. I need to figure it out pronto. This last week has been just that but it's not working and in the mean time I feel as though everything is falling apart. I am easily reminded of my dependence on God!
The good news is that this is a transition period. It will end, even though everything seems up in the air right now. God has been faithful in meeting me when I've set aside time with him and I know he is full of grace. His love astounds me, and I'm praying for my heart to long for more of him. Work will fall into a routine. I'll figure out the rhythm of Student Venture. The wedding will happen and even if I trip down the aisle or something I will leave there married to the man I love. I sometimes have a hard time finding the value in the process of life. But there is value in it. I need to trust God to grow in ways that I don't even know I need to. Luckily, HE knows me better than I know myself. So here's to the transition period! I'll check back in later if I make it through alive :P
I feel as though my life right now is one huge transition. Everything is changing in the next few weeks. I like my life to have routine. I enjoy list making and knowing exactly what things are going to look like so I can plan accordingly. I can handle chaos as long as it's in one area. Right now life simply isn't that way and it's definitely taking a tole. I would like to say that even though I'm in this weird transition place, I can see the upcoming adventure and am doing my best right now. But it's simply not true. I'm horrible at these things. So many things are happening at once and I feel as though I don't have a handle on any of them.
For starters, I'm getting married. Which is super exciting! Only 23 days. But so many things come before that. I'm very task oriented and most things are done. That's not the problem. The problem is I'm not very good at what Travis and I label 'things'. Haha. I don't like being in front of people. At least not as the center of attention. I'm only now learning what it looks like to live life in community and let people in. The idea of standing in front of people (all of them staring at me) and making a covenant between God and Travis is daunting. It's personal and lovely and lots of other things but it's so nerve racking. My general response to this type of thing is to simply shut down completely... it's my past pattern. I DON'T want to do that and am going to have to fight not to. I do want people there and want to live in community it's just hard. It's a stretch for me. I can do it. I can. and I will. It's simply exhausting to know that shortly here I will have to deal with family from out of town and trying to schedule time with people and on and on...
The other hard part is just not being married. In my heart and mind the commitment to Travis and our relationship is already there. It's done. The fact that all that stands between him and I being husband and wife is a technicality is very hard for me. I'm definitely NOT a patient person. Most people would say I'm crazy but waiting three more months then I wanted to to get married has been super hard. I'm not good at finding the balance in things and I'm having a hard time being vulnerable and pouring everything into our relationship when I'm not married. It's honestly painful for me. I'm all ready to be a wife and am simply waiting to be one. Goodness. I'm working through it... so there's that whole thing.
Secondly, the job situation has been stressful and I'm only anticipating it getting more so. A bunch of people are getting their hours cut or have been let go. Luckily I am not one of them. However, this also means that a bunch of my kids are getting moved up, I'm losing a coworker, and am going to be doing all of the work in my room for the same pay. Not fun. With everything that's going on the general attitude at work is not exactly happy as you can imagine. I just found out about all this on Monday so I'm still processing through a lot of it. There are some things I'm excited about. I generally like working alone and I think a smaller class size will be really nice. However, I know that the high expectations I try to set for my classroom will not be able to be met by just me. Which is super frustrating. I don't like settling for less. I want my kids to have the best. So I have to sit down and revamp my lesson plans and cleaning list and schedule and all that. Those are things I enjoy doing though :)
Another problem I've been having with my job though is communication with one of my parents. I won't go into great detail because that's not helpful but it's just been really stressful. I feel as though people should have to take communication classes to live life. Seriously! I understand that sometimes mis-communications happen. But it's a continual thing. It's hard for me to meet expectations when they are not communicated to me or if what they're saying is in fact not what they actually mean. It's very frustrating. For everyone involved. Not to mention it's literally reeking havoc in my classroom. So there's that.
Third, tonight was my last night of Renewal. As sad as I am to be leaving all my girls, I really do think it's the best thing. Big groups of people are not my thing (in case you hadn't guessed) and it's taken me this long to even feel like I'm starting to get into the routine. I'm starting up Student Venture at Mtn. View with Travis. I'm super excited to be getting into student ministry with my husband to be! I'm super excited to see what God has for us. Not a whole lot of stress here... I'm just not exactly sure what to expect and it's just another new thing. Plus, I will have lots more responsibility in this ministry. But I'm actually really stoked for it :)
So definitely all of those things add up. I think part of the problem is that I had just not anticipated feeling overwhelmed and it kind of took me by suprise. I wasn't prepared. However, I think my biggest problem is this next one: not spending enough time with God. Big suprise there. Right? No. Exactly. I'm trying to figure out my routine for when I'm married and it's started this cycle. I'm trying to get up earlier in the mornings for quiet time. Previously I've been doing my quiet time at night. But I know that once I get married I'll want to go to bed at the same time a Travis and he has been doing his quiet time in the morning. I've been trying. But the I'm so not a morning person. It's been like pulling teeth to get out of bed in the morning even with Travis giving me a wake up call. And then I haven't been able to sleep which has only added to the problem. So yeah. There's that. I need to figure it out pronto. This last week has been just that but it's not working and in the mean time I feel as though everything is falling apart. I am easily reminded of my dependence on God!
The good news is that this is a transition period. It will end, even though everything seems up in the air right now. God has been faithful in meeting me when I've set aside time with him and I know he is full of grace. His love astounds me, and I'm praying for my heart to long for more of him. Work will fall into a routine. I'll figure out the rhythm of Student Venture. The wedding will happen and even if I trip down the aisle or something I will leave there married to the man I love. I sometimes have a hard time finding the value in the process of life. But there is value in it. I need to trust God to grow in ways that I don't even know I need to. Luckily, HE knows me better than I know myself. So here's to the transition period! I'll check back in later if I make it through alive :P
Friday, July 01, 2011
Dating :)
Now that the updating is *cough* isn't *cough* done I can tell you about today without lots of confusion. haha.
First off, let me just say that dating has never been my thing. I never did it in high school or college... I just didn't understand the point of dating for fun. Why would anyone want to go on a date/be in a relationship with someone they didn't see themselves marrying? It seemed and still seems like a bad life choice. Too much pain at stake. Can you see why I would be pegged as being unromantic? haha. So much logic.
The fact is that I'd never been on a date until my first date with Travis. (Now come the awwws. haha). It (obviously) went amazingly. However, I still wouldn't necessarily call dating fun... until today. Not that I didn't have fun on any of our previous dates it's just that for the first handful we were very purposeful in our dates. We were trying to find out if we were compatible for marriage... in our eyes that's what dating should be. I distinctly remember us both sitting in Travis' car and declaring that we hated dating around week three... it just so happened to preface a next day discussion facilitated by God that we thought we wanted to get married. haha.
But today's date was the beginning of a lifetime habit we're establishing. We started premarital counseling this last Monday and received lifetime homework. We have to go on one date a week. So this dating is still very purposeful... just in a different way. This is about being romantic. About setting aside time to just spend together and continually seek one another. So fun! It's definitely homework I won't mind doing. So today we went and enjoyed the paddle boats. I hadn't done it since I was little. There is something very peaceful about being on the water... one of my favorite things ever is bodies of water. We then had Cantonese food which was delicious. Next, we started in on making a paper chain that counts down to our wedding day :) Definitely a fabulous date. As much as I never saw dating as particularly fun the game has changed. I'm super excited to spend the rest of my life dating the man who exceeds my dreams.
First off, let me just say that dating has never been my thing. I never did it in high school or college... I just didn't understand the point of dating for fun. Why would anyone want to go on a date/be in a relationship with someone they didn't see themselves marrying? It seemed and still seems like a bad life choice. Too much pain at stake. Can you see why I would be pegged as being unromantic? haha. So much logic.
The fact is that I'd never been on a date until my first date with Travis. (Now come the awwws. haha). It (obviously) went amazingly. However, I still wouldn't necessarily call dating fun... until today. Not that I didn't have fun on any of our previous dates it's just that for the first handful we were very purposeful in our dates. We were trying to find out if we were compatible for marriage... in our eyes that's what dating should be. I distinctly remember us both sitting in Travis' car and declaring that we hated dating around week three... it just so happened to preface a next day discussion facilitated by God that we thought we wanted to get married. haha.
But today's date was the beginning of a lifetime habit we're establishing. We started premarital counseling this last Monday and received lifetime homework. We have to go on one date a week. So this dating is still very purposeful... just in a different way. This is about being romantic. About setting aside time to just spend together and continually seek one another. So fun! It's definitely homework I won't mind doing. So today we went and enjoyed the paddle boats. I hadn't done it since I was little. There is something very peaceful about being on the water... one of my favorite things ever is bodies of water. We then had Cantonese food which was delicious. Next, we started in on making a paper chain that counts down to our wedding day :) Definitely a fabulous date. As much as I never saw dating as particularly fun the game has changed. I'm super excited to spend the rest of my life dating the man who exceeds my dreams.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
update... kinda
I enjoy blogging a lot. It is kind of a release for me... I enjoy writing. I've been wanting to write for so long now but the thing is that so much has happened since I've last written that it seems so daunting. How do I catch everyone up on everything in one post. Crazyness. Blogging is just like anything else. Once you get out of the habit of doing it it fades away easily. But I've definitely revived this blog before. It's actually kind of funny if you go back and look at it. I started this blog back in high school when Kayd moved to New Mexico and Lorren had one. It was a way to keep update on each others lives in story form rather than just the random posts that were myspace... did I have a myspace then? But then I forgot about it for years. YEARS. Then, as people started moving away for college and getting married and whatnot blogs started up again and I decided to revive mine. I was in a weird stage of life at the time and writing helped. So much has been poured out on this blog. Crazy how open one can be on the internet for everyone to see. But I think for me it has more to do with the fact that it's writing and not talking. More than anything I enjoy this blog as a kind of nostalgia. To be able to go back and see what happened when and how I was feeling. It's super nice because I can't lose it like I might a journal. So yeah. Notice how none of this has been me catching up on my life?
I guess I'll try in super short form. Goodness. Long story short: I stopped my struggling and gave God control of my life. I knew and know he has big things for me. My relationship with him has grown so much it's insane. One of the major things I knew I was/am learning in this season of life is how to let others love me and know me. So how did God see fit that I learn that lesson? In what I consider the best way ever... he brought me the man I'm going to marry :) Seriously insane. It's been a whirlwind of growing, learning, and love. I can't wait to marry the love of my life, Travis. Only 79 days until I can say I do! haha. Not that I'm counting. Not at all. Our story is one that I'm sure many find crazy and unromantic in some ways but everyone who knows me knows that it's exactly something that would happen to me and I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way. We're both fond of saying that never before has being un-romantic been so romantic. I'm not going to write out the entire story here because it would take too long. But maybe sometime soon. Or maybe we'll start a blog together... or just for the wedding. I'll keep you updated!
I guess I'll try in super short form. Goodness. Long story short: I stopped my struggling and gave God control of my life. I knew and know he has big things for me. My relationship with him has grown so much it's insane. One of the major things I knew I was/am learning in this season of life is how to let others love me and know me. So how did God see fit that I learn that lesson? In what I consider the best way ever... he brought me the man I'm going to marry :) Seriously insane. It's been a whirlwind of growing, learning, and love. I can't wait to marry the love of my life, Travis. Only 79 days until I can say I do! haha. Not that I'm counting. Not at all. Our story is one that I'm sure many find crazy and unromantic in some ways but everyone who knows me knows that it's exactly something that would happen to me and I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way. We're both fond of saying that never before has being un-romantic been so romantic. I'm not going to write out the entire story here because it would take too long. But maybe sometime soon. Or maybe we'll start a blog together... or just for the wedding. I'll keep you updated!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Challenged!
I've been feeling super challenged lately. I'm getting more involved in Church things and getting to know my family in Christ at the Pursuit. It's been great. One thing I've been feeling challenged about lately is using my talents in the church. I used to do this, at my other church. I'm thankful that I have people around me to push me to get involved and grow in Christ.
In some ways I feel like I've gone so far back in my relationship with God. This leads me back to that threshold of depression where I almost don't even want to try because I know that I can not do it. I'm not perfect and I will fail. But the thing is... GOD can. He can help me (and even really wants to!) All I have to do is surrender my life to him and let him lead me in ALL areas. Which is harder to do than it is to say.
I thought I was there in high school. But I asked God to test me (Be careful what you ask for!) and he did. It's probably not hard to guess that I failed that. I mean, you know, you guys were there. You can go back and read the whiny blogs about it.
But now I'm having a hard time with my heart in this. I KNOW that God has an awesome plan for my life, that he loves me, that he'll guide me and grow me. But my heart is being stubborn. It doesn't want to be vulnerable and trust him. I think that in many ways growing up is crippling. We become jaded and no longer want to love and trust anything or anyone with all that we are. But at the same time we want purpose. It's such a mess. God is the only one who can truly love me and give me purpose. I need to submit to him. It's scary. Even though I know it'll be amazing... the hardest part is always jumping.So here I stand at the ledge :)
In some ways I feel like I've gone so far back in my relationship with God. This leads me back to that threshold of depression where I almost don't even want to try because I know that I can not do it. I'm not perfect and I will fail. But the thing is... GOD can. He can help me (and even really wants to!) All I have to do is surrender my life to him and let him lead me in ALL areas. Which is harder to do than it is to say.
I thought I was there in high school. But I asked God to test me (Be careful what you ask for!) and he did. It's probably not hard to guess that I failed that. I mean, you know, you guys were there. You can go back and read the whiny blogs about it.
But now I'm having a hard time with my heart in this. I KNOW that God has an awesome plan for my life, that he loves me, that he'll guide me and grow me. But my heart is being stubborn. It doesn't want to be vulnerable and trust him. I think that in many ways growing up is crippling. We become jaded and no longer want to love and trust anything or anyone with all that we are. But at the same time we want purpose. It's such a mess. God is the only one who can truly love me and give me purpose. I need to submit to him. It's scary. Even though I know it'll be amazing... the hardest part is always jumping.So here I stand at the ledge :)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Ranting!
I AM SO BORED! Now that my friends have gone back to school and have things (like homework) to do I have a pretty good chunk of free time. The thing is... I have absolutely no idea what to do with it. Sure I could do dishes or clean house. But where is the fun in that, huh? I just finished rereading The Hunger Games and Catching Fire (which if you haven't read you MUST) and now I'm waiting for my copy of Mockingjay to come in the mail. So I have nothing to read either. Bah! I've basically spent this entire weekend alone :( I used to be so good at being alone but now I just get bored or lonely. Or both. RANT RANT RANT!
That is all.
That is all.
Friday, August 13, 2010
I'm stumped
I'm having a serious lack of thoughts on what to write in this blog. Which is kind of weird for me. Usually if I just start writing something will come. I suppose maybe the problem here is that I just don't know how to start. Although part of the problem may possibly be that I usually wait until entirely too late at night to post. haha. But I really can't come up with a topic. So what do I do in this case? I asked Google... but sadly Google didn't have an answer for me today :( So I think I will do today Hayley style. (hey if it's good enough for her it's good enough for me!)
today I saw: A new face at work!
today I heard: A whole bunch of technical jargon that I did not understand... I tried not to laugh!
today I smelled: The wet grass in my yard
today I touched: A handful of new file folders.
today I tasted: The delicious pasta I made for dinner :) It had chicken, tomatos, onions, olive oil and spices... so yummy!
today I saw: A new face at work!
today I heard: A whole bunch of technical jargon that I did not understand... I tried not to laugh!
today I smelled: The wet grass in my yard
today I touched: A handful of new file folders.
today I tasted: The delicious pasta I made for dinner :) It had chicken, tomatos, onions, olive oil and spices... so yummy!
Star Gazing
Today was glorious. Not that anything super exciting happened, but sometimes it's all in the small stuff. I got up around eleven (which I've decided is a normal sleep in time unlike the two o'clock wake-ups I was used to) and got coffee with Kayla. We shopped for our friend Danika's birthday present. Then we came back to my house, watched The Emperor's New Groove, and ate dinner. Then we did P90X. Today was plyometric's which is the hardest of all the workouts, but we lived. Then Danika, Kayla, and I took a thirty minute drive to watch the stars. It was glorious! onward to tomorrow....
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I fail!
I haven't written in a few days and it's only eleven days into August. I'm majorly failing at BEDA. :( But one thing I'm learning is to take one day at a time. So rather than throw a fit and not blog again (therefore succeeding at failing- yes my mind works weirdly) I'm writing today. And for me that's good enough.
Today has made me extremely happy. I've been praying (and having my life group pray) about my job situation and today I found out some good news! I can't quite share it yet because not everyone involved knows but I'm really excited! It's pretty much just what I've been looking for. So, praise God :) I'll fill you in on the details later!
Today has made me extremely happy. I've been praying (and having my life group pray) about my job situation and today I found out some good news! I can't quite share it yet because not everyone involved knows but I'm really excited! It's pretty much just what I've been looking for. So, praise God :) I'll fill you in on the details later!
Friday, August 06, 2010
Chill Friday!
Today was one of those days that just was. It wasn't horrible it wasn't great. I did work, but it was just routine and nice, automatic. I didn't have to stress too much. So very nice. It's how I wish that most of my days were. Right now, as I type this I am sitting next to Kayla on my front porch. She's writing a note high-school style (with markers!) and I am blogging. We're camped out on pillows and blankets, because my house is a toasty 85 degrees (or something) and it's so much nicer outside. I think it might rain but I kind of don't want it to because I love how the weather is right here, right now. We just got done doing an intense workout and walked to the happiest gas station on earth. Seriously. Every time I've been there who ever is working is happy to be there, cares what you have to say, and bids you a great day/morning/night as you leave. ummm... awesome! Not much to report really, in this run on paragraph of non-sense I have going on here but today was a good day. :)
Really?
I need to start making time for actual posts. grr...
Today I went to Red Robin for lunch. Although it was kind of my breakfast too since I got up at noon! haha. I always sleep in if I have a choice. I got to meet one of Kayla's coworkers who was super nice and one of her friends too. We went shopping at Target, which is one of my favorite stores. I swear I can spend no less than $60 every time I go there. Lucky for me I can't make it there too often!
After that Kayla and I came back to my house. A few days ago the swamp cooler in my house broke. Since it was so hot today it was like ninety degrees in my house! Way too hot. So were roped Calli into swimming which was really nice. Then we headed to Kayla's house to workout out (we're doing P90X). Her mom invited me to stay and watch It's Complicated. It was a really nice and chill night. Now I'm going to head to bed because I have to work tomorrow and I'm running the show!
Today I went to Red Robin for lunch. Although it was kind of my breakfast too since I got up at noon! haha. I always sleep in if I have a choice. I got to meet one of Kayla's coworkers who was super nice and one of her friends too. We went shopping at Target, which is one of my favorite stores. I swear I can spend no less than $60 every time I go there. Lucky for me I can't make it there too often!
After that Kayla and I came back to my house. A few days ago the swamp cooler in my house broke. Since it was so hot today it was like ninety degrees in my house! Way too hot. So were roped Calli into swimming which was really nice. Then we headed to Kayla's house to workout out (we're doing P90X). Her mom invited me to stay and watch It's Complicated. It was a really nice and chill night. Now I'm going to head to bed because I have to work tomorrow and I'm running the show!
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Blue Cow is awesome!
Not much went on today. I went to work, came home and worked out and then headed down to Blue Cow. It is mine and Kayla's new favorite ice cream place. If you haven't tried it yet you totally should. :)
Man, my blogs have been really short and lame lately. That's ridiculously frustrating. What can I do to make it up... hmmm.
If you're looking for cute click here.
If you're looking for intensity click here.
If you're looking fun dancing click here or here
If you're looking to think click here or here.
That should take some time! Oh and you're welcome!
Man, my blogs have been really short and lame lately. That's ridiculously frustrating. What can I do to make it up... hmmm.
If you're looking for cute click here.
If you're looking for intensity click here.
If you're looking fun dancing click here or here
If you're looking to think click here or here.
That should take some time! Oh and you're welcome!
Time
I am still counting this post as going up for Tuesday even though it's technically Wednesday because I haven't gone to bed yet! ha.
Tuesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week. Why? Because of Life Group at the Pursuit. I love it so much! From the first time I went I've felt right at home and could feel God's presence. I'm excited to see what God has in store for my life. I'm not sure exactly what that is going to look like but I have a feeling it's going to be big. :)
Even though the last few years of my life have been emotionally draining, I've learned a lot and I'm starting to realize it more and more. I'm not used to telling my life story to people at a moments notice (or at all really). But I've been doing it lately at Life Group. I'm learning how to allow myself to open up and let myself be loved. Things I've never been good at. I'm learning to trust God over again. Life is good. :)
Tuesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week. Why? Because of Life Group at the Pursuit. I love it so much! From the first time I went I've felt right at home and could feel God's presence. I'm excited to see what God has in store for my life. I'm not sure exactly what that is going to look like but I have a feeling it's going to be big. :)
Even though the last few years of my life have been emotionally draining, I've learned a lot and I'm starting to realize it more and more. I'm not used to telling my life story to people at a moments notice (or at all really). But I've been doing it lately at Life Group. I'm learning how to allow myself to open up and let myself be loved. Things I've never been good at. I'm learning to trust God over again. Life is good. :)
Monday, August 02, 2010
Cutting it close!
I have five minutes to post this baby...
I'm going to make it simple and short. Some nights, like tonight, are made awesome simply by the people that are in them. Tonight I sat and ate pizza with the girls. We played Uno and talked. It sounds boring and lame. But it was really really nice. I love being in the company of people I love. They make everything better!
Now off to bed!
I'm going to make it simple and short. Some nights, like tonight, are made awesome simply by the people that are in them. Tonight I sat and ate pizza with the girls. We played Uno and talked. It sounds boring and lame. But it was really really nice. I love being in the company of people I love. They make everything better!
Now off to bed!
Sunday, August 01, 2010
BEDA and life!
So... once upon a time I was planning on doing VEDA and then my computer broke down, so I decided to push that back until August. August is here and it comes with so many changes in my life that VEDA is no longer a priority. However, I have decided (right now) that I am going to do BEDA also known as blog every day in August. So here we are!
A lot has changed since my last blog entry. Which is pretty much what I write every time I actually blog. But for reals thing time. My last blog entry I was feeling pretty sorry for myself but not wanting to do much about it. But I did! With the help of one of my closest friends, Kayla.
Kayla, my friend Allee, and I took a road trip up to Portland to see the Roflcoptour. Which, by the way, was sooo much fun. I wish I had actually wrote a whole blog post about it, but I did not and now is not the time to go into detail. Anyways, on that trip Kayla and I got into a discussion about our spiritual lives. Both of us have grown up in Christian families and we're both believers. However, during our college years we've both started putting God on the back burner and trying to lead our own lives. Or at least I know I have. I won't speak for Kayla. We both decided we needed to get plugged in somewhere.
We'd been going to The Pursuit on and off for quite some time and decided to see if they had a college group. Just to show how serious we were about this, we actually decided we would start a college group if they didn't have one. But they do! We were so excited. The very first week we went I felt God moving in the group. I already feel pretty much at home. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me. Also, we have made it a priority to go to church regularly. I have so much work to do with God but for the first time in a long time I'm actually trying :) I can't wait to see what he has in store for me.
On top of that we've started the px90 workout routine. It is seriously intense. You workout for at least and hour six times a week! everyday is something different. So far I think plyometrics is the hardest... and we only have kenpo left before we've done all of them. But we are sticking with it for 90 days to get healthier bodies. I can't wait!
Other than that I have just been praying about my job. I have worked at the same place since I was a senior in high school. It will be five years this month! I've never worked anywhere else, so it has definitely been my comfort zone. But lately I have been feeling burnt out. I don't know if it's just the room I work in or the batch of kids I have right now (they are particularly challenging) or if I need to just do something else. Perhaps I need to go back to school?I just don't know. But I am unsettled. I want to be where God wants me to be and not in my comfort zone.
I am going to head to bed now as I have to work tomorrow but I will be posting here again then! :) Oh how I love to make last minute commitments.
A lot has changed since my last blog entry. Which is pretty much what I write every time I actually blog. But for reals thing time. My last blog entry I was feeling pretty sorry for myself but not wanting to do much about it. But I did! With the help of one of my closest friends, Kayla.
Kayla, my friend Allee, and I took a road trip up to Portland to see the Roflcoptour. Which, by the way, was sooo much fun. I wish I had actually wrote a whole blog post about it, but I did not and now is not the time to go into detail. Anyways, on that trip Kayla and I got into a discussion about our spiritual lives. Both of us have grown up in Christian families and we're both believers. However, during our college years we've both started putting God on the back burner and trying to lead our own lives. Or at least I know I have. I won't speak for Kayla. We both decided we needed to get plugged in somewhere.
We'd been going to The Pursuit on and off for quite some time and decided to see if they had a college group. Just to show how serious we were about this, we actually decided we would start a college group if they didn't have one. But they do! We were so excited. The very first week we went I felt God moving in the group. I already feel pretty much at home. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me. Also, we have made it a priority to go to church regularly. I have so much work to do with God but for the first time in a long time I'm actually trying :) I can't wait to see what he has in store for me.
On top of that we've started the px90 workout routine. It is seriously intense. You workout for at least and hour six times a week! everyday is something different. So far I think plyometrics is the hardest... and we only have kenpo left before we've done all of them. But we are sticking with it for 90 days to get healthier bodies. I can't wait!
Other than that I have just been praying about my job. I have worked at the same place since I was a senior in high school. It will be five years this month! I've never worked anywhere else, so it has definitely been my comfort zone. But lately I have been feeling burnt out. I don't know if it's just the room I work in or the batch of kids I have right now (they are particularly challenging) or if I need to just do something else. Perhaps I need to go back to school?I just don't know. But I am unsettled. I want to be where God wants me to be and not in my comfort zone.
I am going to head to bed now as I have to work tomorrow but I will be posting here again then! :) Oh how I love to make last minute commitments.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
I'm a calm, cool, and collected mess.
I haven't posted forever! Geez. I think one of the reason is because I've been writing in my journal more. There are some things that I'd rather not broadcast all over the internet but would like to write about and I've been doing that. In fact, I'm behind on that too. Go me!
I'm not really going to try and play catch up in this post. I can't even remember all the things that have happened since I last posted. So that's very fail on my part. Please excuse me.
I just got done reading all of Meghan's blog entries. I have also watched some of her videos but I haven't gotten to all of them yet. However, I already can tell she is awesome. She inspires me to get my life back on track. She is a fairly well known youtuber and a proclaimed Christian.
The past few years of my life have been a whirlwind. It's been confusing and painful and I've come out on the other side not looking like I did before at all, and not for the better. Even with all that's happened I look back and think how did I get here? Deep down in my heart I still love God and want to be one of his children. But I'm lost in pain and confusion. I took a painful situation and made it more confusing and painful by dragging it out and running from God instead of letting him heal me. Now I can't seem to find my way back. Not only that but if I'm being completely honest, I'm scared. I don't want to deal with all the pain. The very thought completely overwhelms me enough to shut me back down. I may be out of my engulfing depression now but I'm still not in a truly happy place. I have so much I know I need to work on but I'm scared to start. I know I NEED to. But I've constructed all these barriers and shut down my emotions to cope (although truth be told they're not very effective) and the thought of dropping them literally leads me to a panic attack. I'm a mess. A mess disguised as calm, cool, and collected, which seems to me the very worst kind.
*sigh*
I don't really know what else to say. Other than I know what I need to do but I'm not sure if I will. At least not anytime soon. Because even thought the previously mentioned barriers aren't doing me any good, they are my "comfort" zone.
I'm not really going to try and play catch up in this post. I can't even remember all the things that have happened since I last posted. So that's very fail on my part. Please excuse me.
I just got done reading all of Meghan's blog entries. I have also watched some of her videos but I haven't gotten to all of them yet. However, I already can tell she is awesome. She inspires me to get my life back on track. She is a fairly well known youtuber and a proclaimed Christian.
The past few years of my life have been a whirlwind. It's been confusing and painful and I've come out on the other side not looking like I did before at all, and not for the better. Even with all that's happened I look back and think how did I get here? Deep down in my heart I still love God and want to be one of his children. But I'm lost in pain and confusion. I took a painful situation and made it more confusing and painful by dragging it out and running from God instead of letting him heal me. Now I can't seem to find my way back. Not only that but if I'm being completely honest, I'm scared. I don't want to deal with all the pain. The very thought completely overwhelms me enough to shut me back down. I may be out of my engulfing depression now but I'm still not in a truly happy place. I have so much I know I need to work on but I'm scared to start. I know I NEED to. But I've constructed all these barriers and shut down my emotions to cope (although truth be told they're not very effective) and the thought of dropping them literally leads me to a panic attack. I'm a mess. A mess disguised as calm, cool, and collected, which seems to me the very worst kind.
*sigh*
I don't really know what else to say. Other than I know what I need to do but I'm not sure if I will. At least not anytime soon. Because even thought the previously mentioned barriers aren't doing me any good, they are my "comfort" zone.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
It's one of those nights...
Sometimes I feel the need to blog simply to make me feel better. I'm feeling lonely and angsty. Probably not the best time to write things on the internet! haha. I don't even really know why I'm feeling this way. It's just one of those nights where I'm sad and alone therefore lonely. *sigh* Then I tend to focus on all the bad things and let them engulf me. Yep, even as I write this I DO realize how pathetic it sounds. So I'm going to stop and go read now!
BOOKS READ:26
*I'm currently reading the Jessica Darling series by Megan McCafferty. They are so good! I can't believe I've gone this far in my life with out reading them. Seriously, WHAT THE HECK!
BOOKS READ:26
*I'm currently reading the Jessica Darling series by Megan McCafferty. They are so good! I can't believe I've gone this far in my life with out reading them. Seriously, WHAT THE HECK!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Hello Dolly!
So I have this love of traveling. Plane or car, it doesn't matter. About every three months or so I get the urge to go somewhere. I'm not sure where it comes from really. All I know is that if I don't go anywhere then I start to freak out. It's actually not that awesome. I think it just has something to do with me needing to break out of the normal routine I usually find comforting. I don't know. Anyways, it has been WAY too long since I've been anywhere. So when my friend Calli asked if I would go see a play with her in Blackfoot I was all for it.
We left around two in the afternoon and got there around six. The play started at seven thirty so we had some delicious Pita Pit and then made our way to the theater. The theater was awesome! Blackfoot is a little tiny town without too much going on. But the theater is historical and very pretty. I like going to plays, somehow they bring a different feeling then going to the movies. It's a completely different experience. In case you haven't already guessed we say Hello Dolly! It was pretty funny and I enjoyed it very much.
The play was over at about ten or so and we headed back. I made it home roughly around two in the morning. Most people would find that amount of driving in one day to be exhausting. In fact, when we told Calli's friend up there that we were driving back the response was something to alluding to that fact that we were crazy. Maybe I am. However, I find driving to be relaxing. Especially at night. I love being in a car for hours with someone you like spending time with. You always come out of the trip having had fun and made awesome memories. Plus, there is something about talking at night that makes people open up and talk more, be more truthful. I don't know why. My only regret is nothing taking footage of the the trip. :( hmmm... next time I guess!
BOOKS READ: 24
*For those of you asking: Will Grayson, Will Grayson was very good! I highly recommend it. It took all the strength I could muster not to immediately read the book over again! haha. Also, thanks for reading and commenting <3
We left around two in the afternoon and got there around six. The play started at seven thirty so we had some delicious Pita Pit and then made our way to the theater. The theater was awesome! Blackfoot is a little tiny town without too much going on. But the theater is historical and very pretty. I like going to plays, somehow they bring a different feeling then going to the movies. It's a completely different experience. In case you haven't already guessed we say Hello Dolly! It was pretty funny and I enjoyed it very much.
The play was over at about ten or so and we headed back. I made it home roughly around two in the morning. Most people would find that amount of driving in one day to be exhausting. In fact, when we told Calli's friend up there that we were driving back the response was something to alluding to that fact that we were crazy. Maybe I am. However, I find driving to be relaxing. Especially at night. I love being in a car for hours with someone you like spending time with. You always come out of the trip having had fun and made awesome memories. Plus, there is something about talking at night that makes people open up and talk more, be more truthful. I don't know why. My only regret is nothing taking footage of the the trip. :( hmmm... next time I guess!
BOOKS READ: 24
*For those of you asking: Will Grayson, Will Grayson was very good! I highly recommend it. It took all the strength I could muster not to immediately read the book over again! haha. Also, thanks for reading and commenting <3
Thursday, April 08, 2010
I'm a crazy theif!
So the other day I went to dinner with Kayla and Calli. I absolutely LOVE when I get to spend time with them. Because I'm the only one not in school I get really bored with out them. They at least have lots going on at college. My day, however, usually consists of going to work, making dinner, hitting the gym, hanging out on the internet, and then going to bed. There are very few deviations. So, when they're around I tend to get a little hyper. I don't get very much adult time in my life, because I work at a daycare. I just had to explain this before I went into the story.
We left Calli's house and wanted pizza. However, it was kind of late at night especially for a Thursday. Not much was open. So then we decided tacos would be good. But the first place we tried was closed. So I tried to turn left on Eagle. Well, as I was driving to the exit I was thinking to myself that there was a median there and I could only turn right. But when I got to the exit I didn't see one. So I turned left. If you haven't already guessed there in fact was a median. I had to drive up to the light on the wrong side of the road and then just turn right! It was definitely one of those times I was glad there wasn't a cop around.* It would have been one heck of a time if I had to explain that. haha.
We get inside of the place and order our food. There is only one couple ahead of us seeing that it was late at night. I ordered a platter, Kayla ordered a burrito, and Calli ordered a side of tacos. So we're just sitting and talking, laughing about our crazy drive over. The lady calls our food, so I decide I'll be nice and get up and get it. I walk over and get our food, and take it back to the table. I decide that I'm going to need a fork, so I get up to get one and the girls start in on their food. Well, turns out that the food was the couples. Now why they ordered that much food I have no idea. I also had no idea what to do. I mean, what do you do when you've already started eating somebody's food? I apologized A LOT. The guy was really nice about it.
So then I sat down. The couple was just sitting there waiting for their food to be remade. We are sitting their wondering what to do. It feels super awkward to eat their food while they watch us. But we can't throw the food away... The couple gets their food and begins to eat and we do the same. But then they call our order. So basically we stole someone's food and got ours. It would have been a pretty sweet deal if I didn't feel so guilty! geez!
* Just to clarify, I am not usually such a careless driver! I swear!
BOOKS READ: 21 Right now I'm reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson yay!
We left Calli's house and wanted pizza. However, it was kind of late at night especially for a Thursday. Not much was open. So then we decided tacos would be good. But the first place we tried was closed. So I tried to turn left on Eagle. Well, as I was driving to the exit I was thinking to myself that there was a median there and I could only turn right. But when I got to the exit I didn't see one. So I turned left. If you haven't already guessed there in fact was a median. I had to drive up to the light on the wrong side of the road and then just turn right! It was definitely one of those times I was glad there wasn't a cop around.* It would have been one heck of a time if I had to explain that. haha.
We get inside of the place and order our food. There is only one couple ahead of us seeing that it was late at night. I ordered a platter, Kayla ordered a burrito, and Calli ordered a side of tacos. So we're just sitting and talking, laughing about our crazy drive over. The lady calls our food, so I decide I'll be nice and get up and get it. I walk over and get our food, and take it back to the table. I decide that I'm going to need a fork, so I get up to get one and the girls start in on their food. Well, turns out that the food was the couples. Now why they ordered that much food I have no idea. I also had no idea what to do. I mean, what do you do when you've already started eating somebody's food? I apologized A LOT. The guy was really nice about it.
So then I sat down. The couple was just sitting there waiting for their food to be remade. We are sitting their wondering what to do. It feels super awkward to eat their food while they watch us. But we can't throw the food away... The couple gets their food and begins to eat and we do the same. But then they call our order. So basically we stole someone's food and got ours. It would have been a pretty sweet deal if I didn't feel so guilty! geez!
* Just to clarify, I am not usually such a careless driver! I swear!
BOOKS READ: 21 Right now I'm reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson yay!
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