Challenged!

I've been feeling super challenged lately. I'm getting more involved in Church things and getting to know my family in Christ at the Pursuit. It's been great. One thing I've been feeling challenged about lately is using my talents in the church. I used to do this, at my other church. I'm thankful that I have people around me to push me to get involved and grow in Christ.
In some ways I feel like I've gone so far back in my relationship with God. This leads me back to that threshold of depression where I almost don't even want to try because I know that I can not do it. I'm not perfect and I will fail. But the thing is... GOD can. He can help me (and even really wants to!) All I have to do is surrender my life to him and let him lead me in ALL areas. Which is harder to do than it is to say.
I thought I was there in high school. But I asked God to test me (Be careful what you ask for!) and he did. It's probably not hard to guess that I failed that. I mean, you know, you guys were there. You can go back and read the whiny blogs about it.
But now I'm having a hard time with my heart in this. I KNOW that God has an awesome plan for my life, that he loves me, that he'll guide me and grow me. But my heart is being stubborn. It doesn't want to be vulnerable and trust him. I think that in many ways growing up is crippling. We become jaded and no longer want to love and trust anything or anyone with all that we are. But at the same time we want purpose. It's such a mess. God is the only one who can truly love me and give me purpose. I need to submit to him. It's scary. Even though I know it'll be amazing... the hardest part is always jumping.So here I stand at the ledge :)

Ranting!

I AM SO BORED! Now that my friends have gone back to school and have things (like homework) to do I have a pretty good chunk of free time. The thing is... I have absolutely no idea what to do with it. Sure I could do dishes or clean house. But where is the fun in that, huh? I just finished rereading The Hunger Games and Catching Fire (which if you haven't read you MUST) and now I'm waiting for my copy of Mockingjay to come in the mail. So I have nothing to read either. Bah! I've basically spent this entire weekend alone :( I used to be so good at being alone but now I just get bored or lonely. Or both. RANT RANT RANT!
That is all.

I'm stumped

I'm having a serious lack of thoughts on what to write in this blog. Which is kind of weird for me. Usually if I just start writing something will come. I suppose maybe the problem here is that I just don't know how to start. Although part of the problem may possibly be that I usually wait until entirely too late at night to post. haha. But I really can't come up with a topic. So what do I do in this case? I asked Google... but sadly Google didn't have an answer for me today :( So I think I will do today Hayley style. (hey if it's good enough for her it's good enough for me!)

today I saw: A new face at work!
today I heard: A whole bunch of technical jargon that I did not understand... I tried not to laugh!
today I smelled: The wet grass in my yard
today I touched: A handful of new file folders.
today I tasted: The delicious pasta I made for dinner :) It had chicken, tomatos, onions, olive oil and spices... so yummy!

Star Gazing

Today was glorious. Not that anything super exciting happened, but sometimes it's all in the small stuff. I got up around eleven (which I've decided is a normal sleep in time unlike the two o'clock wake-ups I was used to) and got coffee with Kayla. We shopped for our friend Danika's birthday present. Then we came back to my house, watched The Emperor's New Groove, and ate dinner. Then we did P90X. Today was plyometric's which is the hardest of all the workouts, but we lived. Then Danika, Kayla, and I took a thirty minute drive to watch the stars. It was glorious! onward to tomorrow....

I fail!

I haven't written in a few days and it's only eleven days into August. I'm majorly failing at BEDA. :( But one thing I'm learning is to take one day at a time. So rather than throw a fit and not blog again (therefore succeeding at failing- yes my mind works weirdly) I'm writing today. And for me that's good enough.

Today has made me extremely happy. I've been praying (and having my life group pray) about my job situation and today I found out some good news! I can't quite share it yet because not everyone involved knows but I'm really excited! It's pretty much just what I've been looking for. So, praise God :) I'll fill you in on the details later!

Chill Friday!

Today was one of those days that just was. It wasn't horrible it wasn't great. I did work, but it was just routine and nice, automatic. I didn't have to stress too much. So very nice. It's how I wish that most of my days were. Right now, as I type this I am sitting next to Kayla on my front porch. She's writing a note high-school style (with markers!) and I am blogging. We're camped out on pillows and blankets, because my house is a toasty 85 degrees (or something) and it's so much nicer outside. I think it might rain but I kind of don't want it to because I love how the weather is right here, right now. We just got done doing an intense workout and walked to the happiest gas station on earth. Seriously. Every time I've been there who ever is working is happy to be there, cares what you have to say, and bids you a great day/morning/night as you leave. ummm... awesome! Not much to report really, in this run on paragraph of non-sense I have going on here but today was a good day. :)

Really?

I need to start making time for actual posts. grr...

Today I went to Red Robin for lunch. Although it was kind of my breakfast too since I got up at noon! haha. I always sleep in if I have a choice. I got to meet one of Kayla's coworkers who was super nice and one of her friends too. We went shopping at Target, which is one of my favorite stores. I swear I can spend no less than $60 every time I go there. Lucky for me I can't make it there too often!

After that Kayla and I came back to my house. A few days ago the swamp cooler in my house broke. Since it was so hot today it was like ninety degrees in my house! Way too hot. So were roped Calli into swimming which was really nice. Then we headed to Kayla's house to workout out (we're doing P90X). Her mom invited me to stay and watch It's Complicated. It was a really nice and chill night. Now I'm going to head to bed because I have to work tomorrow and I'm running the show!

Blue Cow is awesome!

Not much went on today. I went to work, came home and worked out and then headed down to Blue Cow. It is mine and Kayla's new favorite ice cream place. If you haven't tried it yet you totally should. :)

Man, my blogs have been really short and lame lately. That's ridiculously frustrating. What can I do to make it up... hmmm.

If you're looking for cute click here.

If you're looking for intensity click here.

If you're looking fun dancing click here or here

If you're looking to think click here or here.

That should take some time! Oh and you're welcome!

Time

I am still counting this post as going up for Tuesday even though it's technically Wednesday because I haven't gone to bed yet! ha.

Tuesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week. Why? Because of Life Group at the Pursuit. I love it so much! From the first time I went I've felt right at home and could feel God's presence. I'm excited to see what God has in store for my life. I'm not sure exactly what that is going to look like but I have a feeling it's going to be big. :)

Even though the last few years of my life have been emotionally draining, I've learned a lot and I'm starting to realize it more and more. I'm not used to telling my life story to people at a moments notice (or at all really). But I've been doing it lately at Life Group. I'm learning how to allow myself to open up and let myself be loved. Things I've never been good at. I'm learning to trust God over again. Life is good. :)

Cutting it close!

I have five minutes to post this baby...

I'm going to make it simple and short. Some nights, like tonight, are made awesome simply by the people that are in them. Tonight I sat and ate pizza with the girls. We played Uno and talked. It sounds boring and lame. But it was really really nice. I love being in the company of people I love. They make everything better!


Now off to bed!

BEDA and life!

So... once upon a time I was planning on doing VEDA and then my computer broke down, so I decided to push that back until August. August is here and it comes with so many changes in my life that VEDA is no longer a priority. However, I have decided (right now) that I am going to do BEDA also known as blog every day in August. So here we are!
A lot has changed since my last blog entry. Which is pretty much what I write every time I actually blog. But for reals thing time. My last blog entry I was feeling pretty sorry for myself but not wanting to do much about it. But I did! With the help of one of my closest friends, Kayla.
Kayla, my friend Allee, and I took a road trip up to Portland to see the Roflcoptour. Which, by the way, was sooo much fun. I wish I had actually wrote a whole blog post about it, but I did not and now is not the time to go into detail. Anyways, on that trip Kayla and I got into a discussion about our spiritual lives. Both of us have grown up in Christian families and we're both believers. However, during our college years we've both started putting God on the back burner and trying to lead our own lives. Or at least I know I have. I won't speak for Kayla. We both decided we needed to get plugged in somewhere.
We'd been going to The Pursuit on and off for quite some time and decided to see if they had a college group. Just to show how serious we were about this, we actually decided we would start a college group if they didn't have one. But they do! We were so excited. The very first week we went I felt God moving in the group. I already feel pretty much at home. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me. Also, we have made it a priority to go to church regularly. I have so much work to do with God but for the first time in a long time I'm actually trying :) I can't wait to see what he has in store for me.
On top of that we've started the px90 workout routine. It is seriously intense. You workout for at least and hour six times a week! everyday is something different. So far I think plyometrics is the hardest... and we only have kenpo left before we've done all of them. But we are sticking with it for 90 days to get healthier bodies. I can't wait!
Other than that I have just been praying about my job. I have worked at the same place since I was a senior in high school. It will be five years this month! I've never worked anywhere else, so it has definitely been my comfort zone. But lately I have been feeling burnt out. I don't know if it's just the room I work in or the batch of kids I have right now (they are particularly challenging) or if I need to just do something else. Perhaps I need to go back to school?I just don't know. But I am unsettled. I want to be where God wants me to be and not in my comfort zone.
I am going to head to bed now as I have to work tomorrow but I will be posting here again then! :) Oh how I love to make last minute commitments.

I'm a calm, cool, and collected mess.

I haven't posted forever! Geez. I think one of the reason is because I've been writing in my journal more. There are some things that I'd rather not broadcast all over the internet but would like to write about and I've been doing that. In fact, I'm behind on that too. Go me!

I'm not really going to try and play catch up in this post. I can't even remember all the things that have happened since I last posted. So that's very fail on my part. Please excuse me.

I just got done reading all of Meghan's blog entries. I have also watched some of her videos but I haven't gotten to all of them yet. However, I already can tell she is awesome. She inspires me to get my life back on track. She is a fairly well known youtuber and a proclaimed Christian.

The past few years of my life have been a whirlwind. It's been confusing and painful and I've come out on the other side not looking like I did before at all, and not for the better. Even with all that's happened I look back and think how did I get here? Deep down in my heart I still love God and want to be one of his children. But I'm lost in pain and confusion. I took a painful situation and made it more confusing and painful by dragging it out and running from God instead of letting him heal me. Now I can't seem to find my way back. Not only that but if I'm being completely honest, I'm scared. I don't want to deal with all the pain. The very thought completely overwhelms me enough to shut me back down. I may be out of my engulfing depression now but I'm still not in a truly happy place. I have so much I know I need to work on but I'm scared to start. I know I NEED to. But I've constructed all these barriers and shut down my emotions to cope (although truth be told they're not very effective) and the thought of dropping them literally leads me to a panic attack. I'm a mess. A mess disguised as calm, cool, and collected, which seems to me the very worst kind.

*sigh*

I don't really know what else to say. Other than I know what I need to do but I'm not sure if I will. At least not anytime soon. Because even thought the previously mentioned barriers aren't doing me any good, they are my "comfort" zone.

It's one of those nights...

Sometimes I feel the need to blog simply to make me feel better. I'm feeling lonely and angsty. Probably not the best time to write things on the internet! haha. I don't even really know why I'm feeling this way. It's just one of those nights where I'm sad and alone therefore lonely. *sigh* Then I tend to focus on all the bad things and let them engulf me. Yep, even as I write this I DO realize how pathetic it sounds. So I'm going to stop and go read now!


BOOKS READ:26
*I'm currently reading the Jessica Darling series by Megan McCafferty. They are so good! I can't believe I've gone this far in my life with out reading them. Seriously, WHAT THE HECK!

Hello Dolly!

So I have this love of traveling. Plane or car, it doesn't matter. About every three months or so I get the urge to go somewhere. I'm not sure where it comes from really. All I know is that if I don't go anywhere then I start to freak out. It's actually not that awesome. I think it just has something to do with me needing to break out of the normal routine I usually find comforting. I don't know. Anyways, it has been WAY too long since I've been anywhere. So when my friend Calli asked if I would go see a play with her in Blackfoot I was all for it.

We left around two in the afternoon and got there around six. The play started at seven thirty so we had some delicious Pita Pit and then made our way to the theater. The theater was awesome! Blackfoot is a little tiny town without too much going on. But the theater is historical and very pretty. I like going to plays, somehow they bring a different feeling then going to the movies. It's a completely different experience. In case you haven't already guessed we say Hello Dolly! It was pretty funny and I enjoyed it very much.

The play was over at about ten or so and we headed back. I made it home roughly around two in the morning. Most people would find that amount of driving in one day to be exhausting. In fact, when we told Calli's friend up there that we were driving back the response was something to alluding to that fact that we were crazy. Maybe I am. However, I find driving to be relaxing. Especially at night. I love being in a car for hours with someone you like spending time with. You always come out of the trip having had fun and made awesome memories. Plus, there is something about talking at night that makes people open up and talk more, be more truthful. I don't know why. My only regret is nothing taking footage of the the trip. :( hmmm... next time I guess!

BOOKS READ: 24

*For those of you asking: Will Grayson, Will Grayson was very good! I highly recommend it. It took all the strength I could muster not to immediately read the book over again! haha. Also, thanks for reading and commenting <3

I'm a crazy theif!

So the other day I went to dinner with Kayla and Calli. I absolutely LOVE when I get to spend time with them. Because I'm the only one not in school I get really bored with out them. They at least have lots going on at college. My day, however, usually consists of going to work, making dinner, hitting the gym, hanging out on the internet, and then going to bed. There are very few deviations. So, when they're around I tend to get a little hyper. I don't get very much adult time in my life, because I work at a daycare. I just had to explain this before I went into the story.
We left Calli's house and wanted pizza. However, it was kind of late at night especially for a Thursday. Not much was open. So then we decided tacos would be good. But the first place we tried was closed. So I tried to turn left on Eagle. Well, as I was driving to the exit I was thinking to myself that there was a median there and I could only turn right. But when I got to the exit I didn't see one. So I turned left. If you haven't already guessed there in fact was a median. I had to drive up to the light on the wrong side of the road and then just turn right! It was definitely one of those times I was glad there wasn't a cop around.* It would have been one heck of a time if I had to explain that. haha.
We get inside of the place and order our food. There is only one couple ahead of us seeing that it was late at night. I ordered a platter, Kayla ordered a burrito, and Calli ordered a side of tacos. So we're just sitting and talking, laughing about our crazy drive over. The lady calls our food, so I decide I'll be nice and get up and get it. I walk over and get our food, and take it back to the table. I decide that I'm going to need a fork, so I get up to get one and the girls start in on their food. Well, turns out that the food was the couples. Now why they ordered that much food I have no idea. I also had no idea what to do. I mean, what do you do when you've already started eating somebody's food? I apologized A LOT. The guy was really nice about it.
So then I sat down. The couple was just sitting there waiting for their food to be remade. We are sitting their wondering what to do. It feels super awkward to eat their food while they watch us. But we can't throw the food away... The couple gets their food and begins to eat and we do the same. But then they call our order. So basically we stole someone's food and got ours. It would have been a pretty sweet deal if I didn't feel so guilty! geez!

* Just to clarify, I am not usually such a careless driver! I swear!

BOOKS READ: 21 Right now I'm reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson yay!

My weekend

My weekend....
   It started off fine. I babysat on Friday and Saturday night. I had lunch with friends Saturday affternoon. But then came the dreaded Sunday. 
      I woke up and tried to check all my Internet stuff. The screen was frozen and nothing responded. So naturally I turned my computer off and back on. Instead of booting up, however, a gray screen with a blinking question mark folder appeared. I tried again; same thing. After some research I learned that my hard drive had crashed. I wanted to cry. I absolutely can not live without my mac. I love it so much! 
     My mac has had it's problems. After I first got it, the battery didn't work. That was irritating but not a major deal.  I later found out that Apple was doing a recall on them because they were defective but I was in school and couldn't afford to lose my computer for any amount of time. Then my cd drive stopped working. There is a cd that has been stuck in there for at least a year. But I didn't see this as major issue either. I had a USB drive, and bought my music directly from iTunes. But now the HD has crashed and it's useless. Plus, I don't have anything backed up; of course. But... I did just find out that maclife here in Boise is actually certified to do Apple repairs. This is good news! Also, apparently I bought a MacBook at the wrong time because Apple is now recalling the HD's in them too! Geez! But that should mean I get it replaced for free. Hopefully they'll be able to recover all my data. I'm not sure if they'll still replace my battery for free. I wish I would have known sooner about maclife.... What can you do?  We'll see what happens. 
    Now the mac drama would have been enough to ruin my weekend but of course when it rains it pours. I've been taking baths now for months because my shower was broken and I didn't want my dad to have to fix it again. But it finally slipped out and he came over to try and put a shower head in my bathtub as a temporary fix until he could fix my shower. In he process he broke my tub, which has apparently been leaking water for awhile. *sigh* He finally got them fixed with the help of a family friend who is a plumber. So I can now take showers again! 
   However, for a good few hours I was waterless and Internet-less (I don't think that's a word). I don't do well with things in my life being broken. If I can't personally fix something broken then I just live without if or buy a new thing. I don't like asking for help. It makes me feel inadequate. Which is stupid and irrational, but true none the less. So, to deal with it; I feel the need to flee. Now, I usually can't go far because I have responsibilities. I WANT to just get in my car and drive until I can't anymore. In this case I just went to the gym, let my dad fix it, and ran. Sometimes I find my self parked in the middle of nowhere doing what I call "dance therapy".
   It's funny because if you asked most people, they would say that I'm very consistent and reliable. I suppose I am; but if they only knew how flightly mind is and I wish I could be. It's ridiculous. I just want to be on a beach somewhere. Haha. I guess I should give myself points for not actually running.       
   I wish I was a more take control type of person. Someone who just dealt with problems right away and then was done. To be perfectly honest, I've actually gotten a lot better. Which almost is worse. Haha. You've got to have something to work on though, right? 

Books read: 19 
I'm currently waiting for Geektastic to show up on my doorstep. 

VEDA

I thought I would mention in my blog what the month of April will entail for me. I've decided to do Vlog Everyday in April (VEDA) to kind of kick start my youtube channel. One of my goals for this year is to vlog regularly on my channel but I just can't seem to get it going. I need to just make a habit of it. The best way to motivate myself is to force myself to do something. So, for the month of April, I will be posting a video on my page everyday! It's going to be crazy and mostly the videos will probably be horrible. But, I'm hoping it will create a habit and hopefully something creative will come out. I guess we'll see. haha.

Yesterday I went and saw Remember Me. Now, this movie looked watchable to me but I wasn't planning on spending any money to see it in theater. I figured that it probably was okay but not that fabulous. I mean, they were pretty much using Rob to sell the movie. Or so I thought. But then everyone I watch on youtube, even those who aren't Twilighters, kept saying how good it was. So, I decided to go see it. I'm really glad I did. I would recommend it to anyone. So good. I'd heard there was a twist in the end and so I was prepared for it not to end the way that would obviously be happy... but I was not prepared at all for what the end was. The whole movie was fairly good but the ending just makes it. I won't spoil it for you but just trust me. You'll find yourself staring at the screen not sure how you feel. It was just good. So yeah, if you were on the fence about seeing it, you definitely should!

Also, just because I'm ridiculously proud, I thought I'd point out that I bought a rubix cube and actually solved it! yay! I know, I know... I'm a complete nerd. But I wouldn't have it any other way :)

P.S. apparently I haven't mentioned on here that I'm watching LOST... WHAT? but yeah, I'm watching LOST. I'm finally all caught up and can't wait to find out all the secrets of the Island. Right now my favorite character is Sawyer :) Plus, I'm pretty much in love with JJ (the director/producer) and can't wait to see what his next project is. He's a freakin' genus!

Books Read: 19

productive day!

Thursday are my day off and they usually go something like this: me sleeping. all day. haha. But... this morning I had a meeting with a personal trainer at the gym I joined. Which, by the way, I absolutely love! When I joined I got three free personal training sessions and the first one was today. So I had to get up. Usually I hate meeting with people like this. I don't like to talk to people in any store. Whether it be a phone store, the grocery store, or in this case, the gym. I always feels as though they're not listening to what I'm saying and just trying to sell me things. However, when I signed up the lady who gave me the tour wasn't pushy at all. Just informative. So, I had hope. I arrived at the gym and the lady was really nice. She asked me what I wanted out of the gym, what my goals were, and how much I already knew about achieving them. She complimented me on my nutrition and took my body stats. It was nice to talk to someone about this. On Saturday I get to meet with her to go through a whole body work out. Since beginning to eat better I've already lost five pounds and lost some body fat! so that's good. The best thing about my trainer? She was so very honest. She could have said I needed a trainer or I wouldn't reach my goal. But she didn't. She told me why people got trainers and told me it was an option. She showed me the cost and even told me part of it was negotiable. She told me I probably wouldn't even need a trainer because my goals were achievable by myself and I had a good start. But, she also offered her services if I decided that my workout was too boring, I needed to change things up, or I wanted a plan written for me. This is definitely not what I expected. It was so nice. She was just being a person who loves her job, but was honest with me. She wasn't being a sales person. It's very refreshing! Thanks Shannon! So, if anyone needs a personal trainer, check her out. She works at Body Renew Fitness in Meridian. I love it there. I can't wait for Zumba tonight!!!!

I also went and worked out my phone issue. My phone has been just turning itself off whenever it feels like it. No good. But, I went into the store today and they are sending me a new one for free! I get it Monday, hopefully it will work.

Also, on the way home from getting coffee a lady flipped me off. I was turning a corner in a parking lot and was confused as to why she also wasn't turning. It didn't look like she was even going to stop! Obviously I was supposed to know that she was driving straight into a parking space instead of turning and stop and wait for her. I don't know what I was thinking! She honked at me and flipped me off. I had to laugh. I mean COME ON! REALLY? I hope her day gets better...

Alice In Wonderland

So the beginning of last week I started to get sick. Nothing major, just a head cold. But Thursday (my day off) I laid around all day. My sister came over to cut my hair. Which, if you're wondering, turned out cute. I started telling her about how I had wanted to go see Alice in Wonderland at the midnight showing but how I was sick and had no one to go with. She said that she had wanted to go too. So, I brilliantly said "Let's go." Now mind you, not only was I sick, but I had to work at 7:45 the next morning. Pretty much after I said it I was thinking how bad of an idea it was. But, I went anyways. We ate dinner, went bowling, then saw the movie (in 3-D!). I got home very tired... but woke up the next morning feeling fine. What? It just happened to be one of those times where a bad choice was actually a good one. It happens every once in a while. :)

If you're wondering what I thought about the movie....
It was pretty good. I had very high expectations that it did not necessarily meet. The visuals were good. The color was very vibrant and the 3D was awesome. But it was a little more Disney and a little less Burton then I would have liked. Not to mention that I think I missed the great opportunity of hearing Johnny Depp sing "A very merry Unbirthday". I mean, come on! ;P

I'm a salesperson???

I spent all of yesterday at a kid's fair. My parents are thinking about buying this business, so they helped promote it in this kid's fair. Now generally I think of myself as someone who keeps to themselves and doesn't really like meeting new people. I've always been aware that I wouldn't be a very good sales person. However, I was kind of proved wrong.
Since I knew I was going to be going to the kid's fair to help out my parents, I read up on all the company has to offer. I made sure I was informed. That's just the way I work. So, when we arrived at the fair, I helped set up, but then I stood outside the booth and talked to the parents who were walking by. My sister was doing nails, and few of the girls from the shop were spraying free hair color for the kids. I met a whole bunch of parents, explained what the company does, asked them if they'd ever been, told them where we were located, and got them to enter a drawing for a free birthday party. I also helped with the hair color, passed out tattoos, and lifted kid's in and out of chairs. Although this was a lot of work, it was also a lot of fun! I was kind of suprised actually. Plus, about half way through the day I realized that I was a pretty good sales woman. Weird!

After I got home, I started thinking about the day. As I've said before I don't really know what it is I want to do. I've thought about becoming a teacher a therapist. The reason I thought of these two careers is because I love helping people, especially kids and teens. But I've turned down those two jobs for a few different reasons. I would probably do good at either of those jobs. I'd probably like them. But I don't want to be either of them. Why? Because eventually I want to have my own kids. I think that they deserve to get my full attention and emotional investment. I happen to be a work-a-holic. If I was a teacher or a therapist I feel as though I would get so emotionally involved that I would take away from my personal life. Is that stupid? I don't know. But it's my thinking as of now. Perhaps I'll change my mind. But, doing the whole kid's fair yesterday made me think that maybe I could have a job that would help out kids and teens with a degree of removal. I don't know what that is yet. But maybe, just maybe, I have something here.


Book Read: 18

Getting on track

So lately I've been thinking a lot about getting back on track with my life. This year is going to be all about it. True, I still have no idea what I want to do as far as careers go. So, I still don't know about going back to school. Although, for the record, I love school. I love being pushed to my potential. I love the stress, I thrive on it. I love having new experiences and learning new things. All of those things are great. What I don't love is having no direction in schooling, no end goal. When I dropped out of school, and still as of now, I lack that end goal. But I'm side tracking... This year I am going to focus on getting myself together.

This includes getting healthy. Which is what I'm focusing on right now. I've never really had to think about it. But now, living on my own, I find myself often eating fast food twice a day. Which is just, well, disgusting. I went grocery shopping today. I intend to cook and eat at least slightly healthier. Plus, I'm thinking this will actually save me money which is lovely.

Also, I am looking into joining a gym. I will be heading down to check one out tomorrow. It seems like a pretty good deal... the monthly dues are only $9.99/mo. I just have to go check out the atmosphere. I've never really liked gyms (this being said I've only even gone to one to actually work out) but I have no motivation to work out at home either. Gyms have fun cardio classes and that pays for itself with this membership! I'm hoping I will get addicted to working out like I get addicted to so many other things... they say it happens. yeah. them. Most people I know would argue with me that I don't need to lose weight. But the truth is I do. I know my body, and it is NOT healthy right now. I can feel it. I actually have a fairly petite frame, but not the body to match it. It's not about being skinny. It's about being healthy. Plus, working out can help boost my mood, energy, and relieve stress! I just need to put my mind to it. Sometimes easier said then done... but I'm going to work on it!

That's pretty much it for now. I'm going to work on the whole education thing. Perhaps I will start doing my own researching projects... I need something to stimulate me mind!


Books Read: 18

the one with the random topics...

Today is Monday... which means my day to upload a video on our collab channel. So, I came home and dropped everything, literally, and made the video. I had to spend quite a bit of time linking some other videos too. I put it all together and tried to upload but I had no more disk drive available. So then I had to delete a bunch of videos. I just cleaned everything up and deleted everything but the video I was working on. The video uploaded and then I deleted that too... thinking that I would just keep it cleaned up. But I forgot about Youtube maintenance! ugh! so... I'm hopin youtube ate my video and is going to spit it out soon. otherwise it is gone. I'm so not redoing it either.

Last Wed. night I babysat for these people for the first time ever. I've known them for a really long time and Jeanine has babysat for them before but I haven't. Anyways, They left me their spare key. Only it totally didn't work! So I was locked out of the house on a school night none the less. This has never ever happened to me before. So, I tried the cell number they left me a few times but they didn't pick up. Long story short I ended up just taking the kids back to daycare to play for about and hour and a half. I felt bad because one of the kids had school the next day, but I ended up getting paid about three times as much as I normally charge because they felt bad about locking me out! If only that happened every time I babysat... haha.

Apparently my parents are thinking pretty seriously about buying a business. It's the place my sister currently works. I hear the place does pretty well, the owner is simply getting deported back to Canada. At first I was a little skeptical. My dad owns his own business but it's a completely different deal. He's working with the same industry he's worked in his whole life. He can pretty much do whatever he wants. But this is something completely new and much bigger. More liability. So that worries me a little. But then I was really excited. It's kind of up my alley and I had all these ideas to help with the place and running of it. My mom suggested I could work there too if I wanted. On the side. Which would be nice. But my sister insisted that I be the manager. Which at first I was like ummm... whoa. But then I started thinking about it. With a little bit of training I think I could do it. I really do a lot at the place I work at now. And in all reality I already do/ have a lot of managing skills. I'm not saying I want to manage there, just saying it's an idea. Something to ponder. But when my sister mentioned this to my mom her response was "I don't know about that, you're quite the procrastinator." Granted this is true. I know my mom saw me procrastinate all those papers in high school. But when it comes to work... I'm IT. I do my job, random jobs that no one has ever thought of, things other people should do but don't, jobs I invent to do cause I'm bored, my boss' job (on occasion), the cooks job, and sometimes I do this all at the same time! So, it's things like my mom's reaction that make me think she has no idea who I am. My dad and I very much have the same work ethic and I know he GETS it. It's weird how that happens some times. I love my mom. But sometimes she just doesn't GET me, you know? Anyways, it got me thinking about working for the parents. It's probably not the hottest idea. Unless they contract out to me to run their social media stuff :) haha. That I am expert at!

I bought a tripod finally! yay!


book count: 13! I'm totally ahead :)

It's Sunday and I'm sitting here with half of my house cleaned pondering what it is I would like to do next. I need to finish cleaning my house. But I've done enough that I can feel accomplished even if I stop now. I have a season of House that I need to watch. I need to finish the book I'm currently reading. Also, I could make a video for betweenusfriends. I would like to take a bath. See the problem? There are simply too many options. This is how it usually works. I have so much to do but don't know where to start. Plus, most of it isn't time sensitive which makes it easy to procrastinate. So, I figured I would blog until I made a decision. It's been awhile. Although I did just post two new blogs today but they were from awhile back. I typed them up on my ipod and they sat on there for quite a while!

Last weekend I was sick :( but not just the normal coughing and stuffed up sick. I woke up with a fever of 102 on Saturday morning. I am hardly ever sick! It was not fun. I hate being that sick. At one point in the middle of Saturday I wanted to die. Thats how bad it was. Definitely not something I like to experience. yuck. But, now I am feeling much better.

Yesterday I went to a conference type thing for work. They had a bunch of vendors and a few different talks. It was pretty fun. At least as far a classes go. Although some of it was a little cheesy. The guy who was teaching the classes was a life coach so he was very upbeat but sometimes it was a little over the top. But hey, I'm not complaining. I got my 6 credits for only $11 and I'm done for the year. Usually 2 credits cost around $20. So, it was a great money saver.

I also went to see Lovely Bones last night. It was pretty much what I expected as far as the plot line went. Although, I'm not sure how I feel about the ending yet. I definitely want to read the book to see how they differ. I always have a dilemma when it comes to this choice. Do I read the book first and be disappointed by the movie? Or do I see the movie first and then not feel all that compelled to read the book all the way through because I know (basically) what's going to happen? I still can't decide which I like best. Oh, well.

I'm going to keep a counter going at the end of my blog about what book # I'm on. One of my goals this year is to read 40 books!

Books Read:2

*sigh*

This morning my mom came over so I could help her with a baby shower game. On the way over she noticed she had a flat. I had to go pick her up. Having a flat can't be fun. Although I wouldn't know from first hand experience. I've never had one. At least it only cost her fifteen dollars to get it fixed.
I love helping with baby shower stuff. I love kids (especially babies) and enjoy planning these things. Plus,as my mom put it, it was an excuse to spend time with her. all I did was cut some squares though. And I had to get up earlier than i normally would have. So that kind of sucked.
Now i'm babysitting. Which is nice. I've had both of these kids in my class and the little girl I had as a baby. She's one of my favorites. But i'm feeling awfully lonely. This always happens when I get to spend lots of time with my friends and then they go back to school. Plus my best friend just called me and I couldn't talk cause I'm babysitting. Also my mom was teasing me about her never having grandkids. She does this all the time. It never used to bug me but now it kind of stings. It's not my fault I'm not in a relationship. If my life was perfectly how I wanted it than I would be married And have children. But life isn't perfect and hardly ever goes according to plan. Does she think I'm purposefully not finding someone just so she can't have grandkids? Sheesh! my pack of love life most definitely does not revolve around her. It's ridiculous how much little comments like that hurt. I know it was just meant to be a joke. But it's not funny. Add this to the fact that literally everyone I am close to is in a relationship and it makes for one lonely me. *sigh* but such is my life.
And now this blog has turned into a "poor me" story. Moving right along... This new year is going to be a good one. This last year has been a transition year for me and although I have no idea what my future holds I am ready for something new. I do not make resolutions, however I do set goals. I have some good ones this year. One of them is to read 40 books this year. So now, in order to end off on a good note, I am going to go read.
P.s. I hate the fact that when I get ready in 15 minutes and have no one to see except the kids I'm babysitting I look cute. But If I had somewhere to be tonight I would undoubtedly not looks as cute. Stupid.
EDIT: This was also put up late due to me typing it up on my ipod.

a week into the new year

A week has passed in the new year and I still haven't written a blog post! Or made a vlog for that matter. But I did just film one in my car on my lunch break. It's obviously going to be a winner. It's one of those look at the past year and set goals for the new year videos. Which I think is important because you've told people and feel more obligated to reach your goals. But the video is kind of rushed and late. Oh well. It's the story of my life. I am notorious for procrastinating. I driven by goals and deadlines. Otherwise I don't accomplish things. Hence the neccesity of fore-mentioned vlog.
I'm writing this at work and for the life of me, I can't remember when I last blogged. Probably not a good sign. So to cover all my bases I'll just recap a little.
Christmas was good this year. I enjoyed my family tile and only got a little sad once. That's really good for me! Which in and of it's self is a little sad. But we won't dwell on it. I don't. It was a little weird having Christmas dinner at someone else's house. My parents have become pretty good friends with a family of my mom's coworker. That sentence was udderly confusing but hopefully you got it. I don't know this family all that well but I've seen them a few times. It wasn't awkward really. Just different.
We also saw Sherlock Holmes on Christmas which I thought was really good! I like when characters are bad asses because of their brain power. On a side note I also saw Avatar recently. The animation in it was really awesome. I do, however think the storyline is a mix of Pocahontas and Fern Gully.
New Year's eve was a ton of fun! I did a fondue party house because I got a fondue pot for Christmas. It actually turned out better than I thought it was going to. I'd seen fondue made before but never actually made it myself. It was delicious! We rang in the New Year with champagne and played some board games. There's nothing better than being surrounded by your closest friends. So much fun!
This last week has been filled with getting used to my new work schedule and returning to the pre-k classroom. It's very different from infants and takes awhile to adjust. But all is going well!
EDIT: I wrote this on my ipod and e-mailed it and yes, it is up late!