frustrating!

So school started today. not for me, but for everyone who is going to BSU. It's so weird to not be in school. It kind of makes me panic. I don't know what it is i want to do and am done with my general courses, so until I know what I want to pursue I'm not going back to school. It feels so backwards... almost as if I'm doing something wrong. I love to have goals and get them done as quickly and efficiently as possible. but life isn't like that. I have no clue what I want to do and I do not want to possibly waste time and money to just go to school because. It's so very stressful! bah! seriously. I wish I did know. I want to know I really do! I've thought about just going to school to get like and English or Business degree but I'm not convinced that would be helpful either. Perhaps photography, i do love that. but seriously I have no idea. I feel as though I'm wasting my potential and time in not knowing... like I could be further on in my life and career if i could figure it the heck out. It weighs over my like an ominous cloud. It's so epically frustrating. My life so far has turned out so very different from how I imagined it when I was little and sometimes I find myself wondering how I even got where I am now, how I became the person I am. There are things I like and things I don't like, things I will strive to change. I hate being stuck in ruts and the mark of a new school year is the year mark of me being stuck. I feel suffocated, like I can't breathe. To top it off, this year my three closest friends are all moving on now; it's so much harder to be left than to do the leaving. Jeanine, of course is in NC. Kayla is and RA at NNU now and even though she's close I won't be seeing much of her. Calli has moved to ISU for her freshman year. and here I am, living alone and working. yep. I'm not trying to throw a pity party, that's not the point. I'm very happy for all three of my friends. I'm glad they have direction and are having awesome experiences. I want what's best for them. I just wish I knew what I wanted. I put very high expectations on myself and when I fail to meet them I am often devastated. One year should definitely be long enough for anyone to figure out what they want to do. I mean, I had two years of college before that to figure it out too! bah! however, there is another part of me deep down that knows that maybe I need to learn something from all that waiting. That even though right now I feel as though this is wasted time it is really a preparation for something that is to come. I know that I have some major growing to do. that there are aspects of my life that need worked on and points of view that need changing through experience, not just knowledge. I am simply not a patient person... I want to know now! haha. but God knows better than me and I trust him. I'm just frustrated!

moving on....

so much has happened since i last posted! i've completed one of my life goals- to see a relient k concert! it was soooo much fun. Kayla went with me and we ended up really close to the front. They are my favorite band of all time. they have a song for everything and often bring a new perspective on things. I just love their music. it was so nice to finally be able to attend one of their concerts and such a blessing to have Kayla with me- sometimes i don't know what i would do without her! :) I was able to jump and sing a long to some of my favorite songs. The place was jammed packed and i'm not gonna lie, i sweated more than i ever have in my life. it was really gross. but you get to the point where you just don't care because everyone else around you is sweating too. once you stop being self conscious you can really let go and just have fun! so, the concert lived up to my expectations and was so much fun. i can't even explain.

as i have mentioned before, the last year of my life was pretty much spent existing. as i move on and start living again, i have been thinking a lot about passion. the depression i have come out of is a place i never, ever, want to be again. not ever. i mean, you can have bad days, but i don't ever want to get into a rut like that again. one thing i think a lot of people lack is passion. so, i am going to make a list about things i'm passionate about and then begin to do things, get actively involved, in those things. I talk about that on my youtube page with my best friend, Jeanine. we are going to be challenging eachother in this area. i will be putting up another video on this subject on our page. you can find us at: www.youtube.com/betweenusfriends. we are vlogging back and forth and are sometimes entertaining.

this week i have had a paradigm shift. I'm not going to go into detail, because it involves some things that i'd rather not everyone know. haha. at least, not upon not knowing me at all first. but, i have found perspective on something that i didn't have any on before. It's really amazing! it's like, not only have i come out of the depression and am happy now, but now i have motivation back which is a sweet thing! seriously. it's so good to be alive and have goals to work toward. i've realized that no one can go through life without getting a little messed up, that no one can lead the perfect fairy tale life. I kind of knew that before, but all of a sudden it has sunk in and i have taken it to heart. people tell you that you make decisions that will lead you somewhere in life. and that as long as you make good ones, you'll be fine. i'm not dismissing this. but, it's not always true. and, one thing they neglect to tell you is that sometimes it's not you who fully makes decisions. You get close to people and you make decisions together, or let them make them for you. and sometimes you get in over your head. ultimately it is you that made the decision, cause you let them in, and you have to take responsibility for that, but it wasn't entirely your fault. you only half made the decision. and some people bring out different sides to you. it's complicated and maybe it's one of those things you have to learn for yourself. who knows. Sometimes, you were meant to love someone for a reason other then to have them love you back and have a happily ever after. because we learn from loving others and having others love us.

so, this week i've had to finally cut ties with someone i love dearly. I have to take big steps backwards. we remain great friends, but have to give up something we once had. because it wasn't right. it wasn't healthy. and it wasn't beneficial. but we learned. and sometimes that's enough.... sometimes we aren't meant to stay forever. This is all new to me. I have never, ever had to give up someone who was close to me. i've only ever had about three people who were so close to me that they know just about all there is to know, and i know all there is to know about them. I don't trust easily and am a very passionate person when it comes to friendships. and now i've had to let one of those people go... and it's hard. but it was time. it's for the best. and i praise God for all that i have gotten out of the relationship. I made some very big mistakes in that relationship. but they were made in a safe environment and i have learned from them. so many things i knew, and life perceptions have been challenged and changed. and now it's time to move on...

i'm excited for what the future holds! :) I'm excited to pursue life, a passionate one.

lies

This is something I have been thinking of as of late. I mean, obviously it is usually bad to lie. Up until about a year ago or so I would not have included the word "usually" in my last statement. The Bible tells us not to lie. Our parents and teachers drill it into us. I have never been a fan of lying. I mean, it usually just gets you into more trouble, you have to keep your story straight, it leads to more lying, and hides who you really are or what you really want. I strive to always tell the truth. However, I have been thinking lately that sometimes it's easier to lie. I mean, lots of people think this... but i'm not talking about stupid little lies. I talking about lying to yourself mostly. Believing something that isn't necessarily true in order to avoid pain. Because if you chose to face the truth... it wouldn't change reality and would only bring pain. I mean, is it better to know the truth and be miserable or to tell yourself something isn't true in order to be happy. I don't know. I can't answer that. But it does have me thinking. Also, what about lies of omission. Is it better to keep something from someone if you know it will hurt them, or is it better to tell them? Would I rather know the truth and suffer or be blissfully naive? I just don't know... maybe it's one of those questions that can't be answered... or has to be answered on a case by case basis.
My example for this would be from New Moon. Take for example Bella and Jacob's relationship. Jacob is head over heels in love with Bella. Bella loves Jake, but not in the right way, not enough, not the way he deserves. Should Bella lie to Jacob and tell him she has no feelings for him? I mean, even if she tells him how she feels, that she does indeed love him in some capacity, it doesn't change the fact that she doesn't want to be with him. Would Jake rather know she cares, or would that just make it hurt more... There's the lying by omission example. Here's the lying to self example: When Edward comes back and is telling her he loves her. She at first doesn't believe him... she's lying to herself to save herself from pain. Even if he did love her, he would still leave again, that's supposedly why he left the first time. So, it's easier for her to believe that he doesn't love her. Is it better that way? it save her from pain. but it isn't true. And what you feel doesn't change reality of actions.
A lot of the time emotions don't line up with reality. Just because you feel that way, doesn't make it true. however, on the flip side, reality also usually doesn't change your emotions. Just because it's illogical to feel a certain way doesn't mean you don't feel that way or that you can help from feeling that way. Our emotions often have a mind of their own.
So, which should win out reality or emotions? which is the bigger truth? or can truth only be found when the two match up? it's all so confusing... and frustrating!

consistency

it's been a few days since i've posted... no bueno. i would like to try and post everyday. it's nice to reflect on how the day has been and how i could have made it better. however, i suck at consistency when it comes to things i do for me. things i want or need to do for my own benefit or good. If i tell someone else i will do something, then i will. but if it's for me, i usually don't. i need consistency in my life desperately. it's something me and God need to work on. It's something i need to pray for. In my daily walk with him i suck at consistency. yes i do. bah! i get so frustrated at myself sometimes. cause the truth is i'm not really doing anything else of merit. plus, it's not like it takes so much effort. it's simply the act of starting something that is the hardest part. once i commit and go for it i'm golden. for the most part. I just have to make it a priority. so, i will be praying for consistency. hopefully, praying for consistency will be the first thing i do consistently. haha. This definately reminds me of a relient k song... though as of now i can't remember the name of it.
what has happened since i last wrote? hmm... I babysat on saturday and was slightly inspired. The woman whose kids i watched is really and truly amazing. she has three children, two degrees, a great job and house, and is really down to earth. you can tell she truly cares about the people around her and puts her family first. although she seemingly has reason to brag, she doesn't. She lives quietly by example. She's the kind of person, that as a child, i had envisioned myself being when i grew up. living by example instead of by words. needless to say, she inspired me to do some of those things i wished i was doing. to think about the path my life was taking just a little bit.
church on sunday was amazing. the thing i got most from it was that we should be passionate. which is funny because that wasn't really the focus of the day. but i have been thinking a lot about passion lately. I am a person who, when i find the right thing am very passionate. i love to be passionate about things and people. there is nothing worse to me then being stuck doing something i am not passionate about or being surrounded by people i do not feel passionately about. i really don't understand how people can go around living their lives doing things that are okay but don't truly make them happy. it baffles me. it saddens me mostly. even if the thing you love doing doesn't make you a lot of money, if you are passionate about it, that's awesome! i think this is part of the reason i can't decide what i want to do career wise with my life. i don't want to end up doing something i'm not passionate about. it scares me to the core. as does the thought that i will never find a person who is just as passionate about me as i am about them... as of now i am very passionate about my job and my closest friends. I love them dearly and i love what i do. and, after a year of not having passion in my life, it's great to have it back! it makes me so happy and driven. even if i don't know what i want to do yet... haha

oh! and the three day weekend was awesome even if i didn't do much :) i started learning guitar finally! and i put up the youtube page for Jeanine and I. it is www.youtube.com/betweenusfriends so... go take a look!

cleaning the blinds...

so, today nothing too interesting happened. I am feeling much better today. but... today was the third day i did not have caffeine. So, i was starting to feel the effects of that. which is pretty bad. I broke down and had some coke today, which helped a little. tomorrow i will probably start on coffee again :) yeah for coffee! but yeah...nice not to be so sick anymore. work was pretty easy today, we've been freakishly low this week so far... not sure why. So, i pulled out half the blinds from the room today and cleaned them. I am slightly OCD when it comes to cleaning at work. yes i am. I was supposed to take the blinds down and clean them. but once i get started i just can't stop. so, i took the blinds out and cleaned them but then decided why not clean the windows, and the window sills, and the walls around them. So, i spent about two hours cleaning that area. and it looks so much better. I get excited when things are clean, it feels good. I know, i know, i'm a dork! but seriously. the only thing was, when i put them back up i could tell how horribly bad the other blinds look. They are seriously sick! i can't wait to go back on friday and clean them. It's funny how sometimes you don't realize how dirty things are until you compare them. I had been talking about cleaning the blinds for a few weeks now, cause i knew they needed to be done, but now i can see all the dust and grime on them and it's eating at me! gross! aren't you glad you're reading about cleaning blinds? haha. but i have a tie in. It's like the areas of our lives we know we need to change or deal with. The issue may not be pressing but it only collects dirt and adds to the problem the more we ignore it. kind of a stretch but it's true. When we finally tackle the problem it's usually not that hard to fix, but it does take effort. And when that problem is taken care of... it's easier to see the next one that needs fixing. Some problems we have to deal with daily, to self talk ourselves through daily. this is a hard concept for me. I want to do something and have it be accomplished. I don't want to work on it every day in and out. To make that choice every day. It's not fun. It's hard. but if we keep up on our "cleaning" then we don't have to take serious time to work hard at cleaning the grime away, it's less painful. and yes, i know i'm being all contemplative and sensitive lately. haha.

sickness!

so... I have been sick the past couple of days. i hate being sick! not that anyone does like it... it came out of nowhere really. I woke up on monday with a headache, sinus pressure, and an achy body. Today I feel a bit better but no much. It's really random. No one i know has been sick and it's spring for crying out loud. I went to be yesterday at like 9:30 thinking that would help. Although i was able to sleep, i woke up feeling just about the same. grrr... hopefully i will feel better tomorrow. I drank 96 oz. of gatorade, 16 oz. of lemonade, 16 oz. of water, 20 oz. of vitamin water, and some Oj today. haha. yeah. crazyness. plus when i'm sick i cut out caffeine, sugar, and dairy. i need to get better... it's not that bad really. It's just the feeling weak part that i hate. so... that's all that's up with me i guess.

So today I slept in... which was kinda nice but it was weird not getting up and going to church. Kayla and I decided to try the PM service which is probably the one we'll be switching to. There was not nearly as many people there. So that was kinda weird... but I still loved the message and atmosphere. PM will be good for us i think :) It was very hot today! summer is going to be crazy. I tried turning on my swamp cooler today but i really have no idea how to work it...it kind of works? i don't really know. I bought batteries for my tuner and Kayla tuned my guitar :) i need to practice more... teaching myself is not going well so far. I don't usually do well at things i have no clue about. Instead of just trying and seeing what works, i like to know exactly what i SHOULD be doing, the correct way. I'm a perfectionist. So, this is hard for me. But i think i'll figure it out. I need to get over it. It reminds me of the creative writing class i took my junior year. The teacher would just tell us to write something and not really explain what she wanted. We would just have to do the assignment hoping we were doing it right. Really there is no right or wrong way to creatively write but it took me awhile to get used to that way of thinking. I think my creativity is often cut short by the limitations of what i, or others, think is the "correct" way. Just because one way works doesn't make it the only possible solution. It's something i have a hard time dealing with. I like things black and white. simple and clear cut. I like things to be organized and have a place, a function. when lines become blurry and one thing can be used for something else, i panic. well, maybe not panic but it makes me uncomfortable. This is something I have to work on in real life too. I like to put people in boxes. My family separate from my friends. Work friends separate from school friends and life friends and church friends. I'm getting better... but i still need to work on it!

Lets see... I actually had things to do today. they were kinda spread out though, i find i get bored easily. I went to breakfast with my parents which was kinda nice. I went and saw Hailey at her TaVaci recital. That was actually really cool. It's a performing arts class that works on singing and acting and dancing. Hailey was very excited and did great! i was so proud of her. She has great facial expressions and isn't afraid to be in front of people. Then Calli came over and we hung out. We went to Donnie Mac's. Which is basically the coolest place ever. I love it! and i had one of their expresso yourself muds which is amazing! yummy. then we came back home and watched to B movies which were pretty funny but kinda weird and slow going. Although one of the movies did have a guy in it with a mullet and numbchucks... it really can't get better than that! haha. it made me laugh so hard. I have not been seeing my friends enough! or maybe it just seems that way and i am extra needy, i don't know. but i've been kind of in a depressing moon lately. It's kind of worrying me. I don't want to go back to where i was. now though, it's only episodes of sadness, it's more tolerable. but it still has me worried. i've been doing good, and it seems as though i should fall back into that soon. i don't want to... but that seems to be the nature of it. So, i am watching it carefully. Although I'm not sure if i can do anything to stop it anyways. wow. enough about that. ummm.... that's it i think. except me and Calli decided that next time we don't know what to watch we should pick some random person to choose a movie for us... it would be an adventure! yep. something to stop the boredom...

Swimming Lessons

So... today was my day off and as usual, I pretty much avoided doing anything at all. It should be the day I use to get all kinds of things I need to get done done but I'm lazy! I did however, take two girls I babysit to swimming lessons. This is the second week in a row I've done so. Last week, the youngest one had to jump into the pool in her clothes. They do this so that if you ever fall in by accident you don't panic, you've practiced and now know what to do. She did panic and refused to finish her lesson. She sat on the steps and cried. That day I was aggravated by this. She tends to use her emotions to manipulate people into getting what she wants. She didn't finish the lesson and therefore has to do it over. So, this week I got her all ready to do the lesson over again, only this time I made sure she had her swimsuit on underneath her clothes, so she wouldn't have to change half way through. She knew what was coming, dad had talked to her, and so had I. As soon as we got closer to the pool I could see her start to panic. Her whole body tightened up and she started to shut down. I talked to her in a soothing voice and tried to explain to her what she was going to be doing and why this was important. However, she did not want to do it. So, today she didn't have to finish that lesson, they moved on to freestyle and will come back to it. I thought she was refusing to do this simply because she didn't understand why. but that wasn't the reason at all. She really is scared. As i watched who practice freestyle, I noticed that she doesn't seem comfortable in the water at all. She doesn't have control and that scares her. I hope they push her to do this lesson, she needs to overcome her fear. It is so much like grownup life too. We have to be pushed out of our comfort zone in order to grow and learn. We have to do things we don't want to or things that scare us so that we simply know how to do them. It's important. Sometimes, like this little girl, I am put into a situation where I don't feel comfortable and I run away, refusing to do it. But I will have to do it eventually. I'm kind of going through that right now. I have things I have to deal with with a certain person in my life, yet I put it on the back burner for a few weeks. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough. But.. I know it's something I have to do and now I"m kinda wishing I had just deal with it at the time. Actually, in this area of my life, there are a lot of things I wish I had dealt with earlier on, I wouldn't have had to go through so much pain. So, do we ever learn this lesson? or do we just keep repeating it? I am really frustrated with my humaness right now. I feel as though no matter how hard I try to move forward, I only end up back where I started. I get so very close to being done with the lesson and then I give up and shut down. I go back to my comfort zone even though it's no good for me. I don't want to be complacent. and so... i am aggravated at myself. yes i am. grrr....

youtube

oh! I forgot to state in my last post that i have recently become obsessed with technology. I have all kinds of accounts. tons really! and though i am blogging on here, i will probably also be vlogging on youtube. i'll list my accounts below:
myspace- chrystie
facebook-christina hollobaugh
twitter- chrystieness
youtube-chrystieness
i have more accounts then this but these are the main ones. also, i probably will be getting rid of my myspace account within the next year. i am still waiting for chris (my best friend's husband) to get a facebook. I might delete it earlier though... i don't know!

Blogging!

So, no one reads this, as previously stated, but i like having it anyways. it's kinda like keeping a diary only hoping someone will read it. hmmm.... I don't know if i want everyone reading my inner thoughts but yeah. This past years has been crazy! Anyone who knows me knows that. I have spent the last year trying to do things my way, hanging on to something i never had, and running away from God. It's been horrible and depressing. It was literally the worst thing i have ever had to go through. I hope and pray i never have to go through something like that again. i've learned a lot about myself and others. I've learned why i need God and that i need to trust Him. He has a plan for my life, he can see the bigger picture. I can't. I have to believe, through all the pain, that there is a reason i went through what i did. and i do believe that. Some days it's easier then others. I have gotten to the point where i think i am ready to start healing. I have my up and down days, but i am out of the depression and ready to start actually dealing with the pain. I hope i can be strong...i will try really hard. before, i just wasn't ready to deal with it. I buried it and distracted myself. the most i asked for was numbness. If i could just survive then life was good. If i could keep busy enough to not think. trying to run away from your own mind is very hard... and running from God is harder! I've spent the last year simply existing and now i am choosing more. I want to live again, to live for God. to make a difference and have a life. So, here i go. I've learned things about myself that i don't like... but i will work on them and grow, with God's help. so yeah. that's my last year in a nutshell. not details, but the overall theme. Although, i also must declare that i have the best friends ever who have helped me through this...people who actually get and understand me, which was something i was beginning to think i would never have. I love them so much... i couldn't have even existed without them :)

So, it's been forever since i've posted on here and no one even reads it. I started this account cause lorren had one a long time ago. I totally forgot about it until today. I was reading an article on Relient K on the air1 website which led me to Matt Theissen's blog and led me here. haha. So, like half me blogs are about Relient K already but i guess this one will be to. So, they are like my favorite band and if you've read my other blogs you know that I tried to get into their concert like a year ago. So, since then i've started college at BSU. Relient k came into town to play at the rally for homecoming. I was thinking: relient k+for free=a huge party!!!! i was so excited. At the time i was also house sitting (with dogs). sadly Matt's plane didn't land on time and i now found out they were 45 minutes late. after waiting for awhile i had to leave to go feed the dogs. It was sooo sad. I was very frusturated. I've decided that i've spent a total of like 6 hours trying to see relient k. so, i also decided that i should get to go to their next concert for free!!! - haha that would be the day. seriously. anyhoo, i think i'll start posting again- i like it. hopefully it will be a better post next time.

school?!?!?

so over the past like month i've gone to school like a week. okay, that's a little exvaggerated. But i didn't go to school all last week and i only went to school two days the week before that and i didn't go to school (tehcnically) today. Our government class went to the capital building and sat in on the house and senate and took a tour. It was okay. We got out of that at like eleven and then were free for the rest of the day. We went to lunch downtown and to a coffee house nad just kinda walked around. I don't go downtown enough that's for sure. It is kinda relaxing. I mean i know there's lots of cars around and stuff but you just kinda walk around and go exploring and then sit down with people and talk. Man, being out of school is kinda fun as long as you're not like really sick. which i was last week. But today was fun. I need to do stuff like that more often. But i don't cause i get too caught up in being busy and don't take a minute to just sit down and breath in the wonderful air and atmosphere around me. I need to remember to do thi everyonce in awhile. wether it's with friends, family, or just by myself!

so this week i went to school today (friday) and that's it. The rest of the week i was home sick. It started last friday (yeas it's been a whole week!) witha headache. after work i went home and immediately came down with the shakes and shivers. the next morning i woke up with an acheing body, stuffy nose, sore throat and was disoriented. how fun! that night i kept hearing my ear pop but thought nothing of it. I woke up on Mon. with my right ear plugged, however the headache had gone away. It was like this for three days with the throat getting worse each day. On the third day i proceeded to the doctor to find out that i had two ear infections one in each ear. I started taking antibiotics and now i'm all better except for my ear which is still plugged and starting to get just a little old. and that'sy story of sickness. I've been sick this winter more than i've been sick in the past five years probably. I blame it on working with kids. They send all kinds of germs my way. yuck! man, the last time i went to the doctor was when i had pnuemonia in the 8th grade. before that i don't even remember. This is of course not counting the removal of my wisdom teeth.

The infamous day of the concert

so the relient k concert so didn't happen. It was sold oout and after all that time i never got in. So instead we went and saw Curious George instead. It was a cute movie but it was not relient k. I'm slightly bitter however i was sick (a still am with an ear infection in each ear but hey it's better than the chills, fever, headache, stuffy nose, sore throat, and cough i had before right?) and i still am!

relient k!!!!!!

i'm soooo excited for the relient k concert next week! i was like way sad cause lately i've been caught in a rut called bordum and i didn't know how tofight it but now i'm going to fight it with a taste of relient k! yipee! however i do have a frustrating story to go with even this. imagine that! haha. so, today i spent lik an hour trying to find out where to but tickets. no where does it tell you. so, i decided i was going to buy them online. but then the stupid people have to charge you and extra $20 to ship them which is just dumb cause that's more than a ticket cost! ridiculous. so i decided to just go down and buy the tickets at the box office where the concert is being held. but then they weren't open! they don't have an normal hours it's just when ever and event is happening. I had to pay $4 to park and find that out. and now i just have to buy the tickets online anyways. so now i'm paying an extra $24 dollars to get the stupid tickets when a ticket only cost $15.50 in the first place. stupid people and their stupidity. what ever happened to just going to a store and buying tickets??? people decided it would be better to use the internet and by doing so they were able to rip people off eve more! how wonderful for them! but who cares cause i'm going to the relient k concert and it's going to be oh so fun! i'm seriously way excited.

Band, band, and more (can you guess it?) band! oh, and that pain named skirt and high heels, that too!

So, this week I've been busy and lazy. which is somewhat of a contradiction but let me explain. I only went to school 3 days this week. I did none of my homework. that of course is always the best idea. that was my lazyness. on tues. i stayed home cause i was sick and i needed to work on and eng. paper. which btw i didn't do and still have to! but, on thurs. i had the bsu band clinic all day long. Yeah let me tell ya that was just a bundle of fun. especially since we sucked. haha. then today i had an hour and a half of honor band and tomorrow i have honor band from 9-idk when but the concert starts at 7:30 and it ends after that. yeah. by the end of this week i will have enough band for like ever. oh and enough of high heels and skirts which btw are way over rated. get this of thurs. we left the school at 7:45 and i was wearing concert attire. then right after i had to go to work and chase kids around still in my skirt. then i went straight from work back to school for a pep band game still in my skirt. i forgot to bring clothes to change into. which, let me tell ya, will never happen again i swear. tomorrow i have to wear the same thing! curses. that's all i have to say. however, at least honor band will sound good not like our high school band that is awful. that's the up side i suppose. that's all i have to say.

sleep?

Right now i should be in bed sleeping. But i'm not. Instead i'm glued to the oh so fascinating computer screen! I'm just getting over being sick and right about now my body and mind are telling me to just crawl into my nice comfy bed and fall into a relaxing sleep. But apart of me wants to stay awake and read stuff. Like blogs and bulletins and stuff like that. Yep. I'm bored and yet i'm still here. It's wierd. So, no one reads this blog anyways. However i did just post a bulletin (how handy!) on myspace so maybe someone will begin to read. haha. I really do want to try and post on this often. I've never been good at keeping a journal or anything like that. But i find it oddly relaxing to type late at night. Plus, people can check in and read what i'm up too or thinking about. I really should get Kayd (my best friend who lives in NM) to post one too and we could keep up on eachothers lives. It would work expertly! haha. except she's like me lazy. If we actually did it it would be cool though. I think i shall e-mail her about the idea. Right now and then go to bed and make my body and mind happy!

procrastinating!

so today's sunday and it's supposed to be my day of rest. I'm finally over being sick (almost) so that's good. For the past few days i've been really sick. I've had headaches and chill and a sore throat and stuffy nose. Yeah, no fun. I haven't been sick like this for years. It's no fun. Anyways, i have like tons to do and i'm doing none of it cause i'm a way cool procrastinator. I'm supposed to be practicing like five pieces of music (i play flute) for an audition on Friday and i haven't even looked at the music yet. I've never auditioned for anything in my life and i just know i'm am going to fail. Which is probably why i'm subconsciencely making myself fail by not practicing! haha. i'm going to choke. and we have a fun director Marcellus Brown. He's so cool and he's going to hear me play and think i suck. Not to mention my flute is broken so it doesn't play like five notes already so i have to take it in and get it fixed on Tues. which will take away more practice time. I've known about my broken flute for like a month and have procrastinated on taking it in. Yep, i know it's awesome. I procrastinate til the last minute.If there were no deadlines i would never get anything done ever. So hurray for deadline! they drve my life forward with or without my corropuration! that's my speil for today. I feel better physically but not mentally! that sounds funny oh well!