I'm a salesperson???

I spent all of yesterday at a kid's fair. My parents are thinking about buying this business, so they helped promote it in this kid's fair. Now generally I think of myself as someone who keeps to themselves and doesn't really like meeting new people. I've always been aware that I wouldn't be a very good sales person. However, I was kind of proved wrong.
Since I knew I was going to be going to the kid's fair to help out my parents, I read up on all the company has to offer. I made sure I was informed. That's just the way I work. So, when we arrived at the fair, I helped set up, but then I stood outside the booth and talked to the parents who were walking by. My sister was doing nails, and few of the girls from the shop were spraying free hair color for the kids. I met a whole bunch of parents, explained what the company does, asked them if they'd ever been, told them where we were located, and got them to enter a drawing for a free birthday party. I also helped with the hair color, passed out tattoos, and lifted kid's in and out of chairs. Although this was a lot of work, it was also a lot of fun! I was kind of suprised actually. Plus, about half way through the day I realized that I was a pretty good sales woman. Weird!

After I got home, I started thinking about the day. As I've said before I don't really know what it is I want to do. I've thought about becoming a teacher a therapist. The reason I thought of these two careers is because I love helping people, especially kids and teens. But I've turned down those two jobs for a few different reasons. I would probably do good at either of those jobs. I'd probably like them. But I don't want to be either of them. Why? Because eventually I want to have my own kids. I think that they deserve to get my full attention and emotional investment. I happen to be a work-a-holic. If I was a teacher or a therapist I feel as though I would get so emotionally involved that I would take away from my personal life. Is that stupid? I don't know. But it's my thinking as of now. Perhaps I'll change my mind. But, doing the whole kid's fair yesterday made me think that maybe I could have a job that would help out kids and teens with a degree of removal. I don't know what that is yet. But maybe, just maybe, I have something here.


Book Read: 18

Getting on track

So lately I've been thinking a lot about getting back on track with my life. This year is going to be all about it. True, I still have no idea what I want to do as far as careers go. So, I still don't know about going back to school. Although, for the record, I love school. I love being pushed to my potential. I love the stress, I thrive on it. I love having new experiences and learning new things. All of those things are great. What I don't love is having no direction in schooling, no end goal. When I dropped out of school, and still as of now, I lack that end goal. But I'm side tracking... This year I am going to focus on getting myself together.

This includes getting healthy. Which is what I'm focusing on right now. I've never really had to think about it. But now, living on my own, I find myself often eating fast food twice a day. Which is just, well, disgusting. I went grocery shopping today. I intend to cook and eat at least slightly healthier. Plus, I'm thinking this will actually save me money which is lovely.

Also, I am looking into joining a gym. I will be heading down to check one out tomorrow. It seems like a pretty good deal... the monthly dues are only $9.99/mo. I just have to go check out the atmosphere. I've never really liked gyms (this being said I've only even gone to one to actually work out) but I have no motivation to work out at home either. Gyms have fun cardio classes and that pays for itself with this membership! I'm hoping I will get addicted to working out like I get addicted to so many other things... they say it happens. yeah. them. Most people I know would argue with me that I don't need to lose weight. But the truth is I do. I know my body, and it is NOT healthy right now. I can feel it. I actually have a fairly petite frame, but not the body to match it. It's not about being skinny. It's about being healthy. Plus, working out can help boost my mood, energy, and relieve stress! I just need to put my mind to it. Sometimes easier said then done... but I'm going to work on it!

That's pretty much it for now. I'm going to work on the whole education thing. Perhaps I will start doing my own researching projects... I need something to stimulate me mind!


Books Read: 18

the one with the random topics...

Today is Monday... which means my day to upload a video on our collab channel. So, I came home and dropped everything, literally, and made the video. I had to spend quite a bit of time linking some other videos too. I put it all together and tried to upload but I had no more disk drive available. So then I had to delete a bunch of videos. I just cleaned everything up and deleted everything but the video I was working on. The video uploaded and then I deleted that too... thinking that I would just keep it cleaned up. But I forgot about Youtube maintenance! ugh! so... I'm hopin youtube ate my video and is going to spit it out soon. otherwise it is gone. I'm so not redoing it either.

Last Wed. night I babysat for these people for the first time ever. I've known them for a really long time and Jeanine has babysat for them before but I haven't. Anyways, They left me their spare key. Only it totally didn't work! So I was locked out of the house on a school night none the less. This has never ever happened to me before. So, I tried the cell number they left me a few times but they didn't pick up. Long story short I ended up just taking the kids back to daycare to play for about and hour and a half. I felt bad because one of the kids had school the next day, but I ended up getting paid about three times as much as I normally charge because they felt bad about locking me out! If only that happened every time I babysat... haha.

Apparently my parents are thinking pretty seriously about buying a business. It's the place my sister currently works. I hear the place does pretty well, the owner is simply getting deported back to Canada. At first I was a little skeptical. My dad owns his own business but it's a completely different deal. He's working with the same industry he's worked in his whole life. He can pretty much do whatever he wants. But this is something completely new and much bigger. More liability. So that worries me a little. But then I was really excited. It's kind of up my alley and I had all these ideas to help with the place and running of it. My mom suggested I could work there too if I wanted. On the side. Which would be nice. But my sister insisted that I be the manager. Which at first I was like ummm... whoa. But then I started thinking about it. With a little bit of training I think I could do it. I really do a lot at the place I work at now. And in all reality I already do/ have a lot of managing skills. I'm not saying I want to manage there, just saying it's an idea. Something to ponder. But when my sister mentioned this to my mom her response was "I don't know about that, you're quite the procrastinator." Granted this is true. I know my mom saw me procrastinate all those papers in high school. But when it comes to work... I'm IT. I do my job, random jobs that no one has ever thought of, things other people should do but don't, jobs I invent to do cause I'm bored, my boss' job (on occasion), the cooks job, and sometimes I do this all at the same time! So, it's things like my mom's reaction that make me think she has no idea who I am. My dad and I very much have the same work ethic and I know he GETS it. It's weird how that happens some times. I love my mom. But sometimes she just doesn't GET me, you know? Anyways, it got me thinking about working for the parents. It's probably not the hottest idea. Unless they contract out to me to run their social media stuff :) haha. That I am expert at!

I bought a tripod finally! yay!


book count: 13! I'm totally ahead :)

It's Sunday and I'm sitting here with half of my house cleaned pondering what it is I would like to do next. I need to finish cleaning my house. But I've done enough that I can feel accomplished even if I stop now. I have a season of House that I need to watch. I need to finish the book I'm currently reading. Also, I could make a video for betweenusfriends. I would like to take a bath. See the problem? There are simply too many options. This is how it usually works. I have so much to do but don't know where to start. Plus, most of it isn't time sensitive which makes it easy to procrastinate. So, I figured I would blog until I made a decision. It's been awhile. Although I did just post two new blogs today but they were from awhile back. I typed them up on my ipod and they sat on there for quite a while!

Last weekend I was sick :( but not just the normal coughing and stuffed up sick. I woke up with a fever of 102 on Saturday morning. I am hardly ever sick! It was not fun. I hate being that sick. At one point in the middle of Saturday I wanted to die. Thats how bad it was. Definitely not something I like to experience. yuck. But, now I am feeling much better.

Yesterday I went to a conference type thing for work. They had a bunch of vendors and a few different talks. It was pretty fun. At least as far a classes go. Although some of it was a little cheesy. The guy who was teaching the classes was a life coach so he was very upbeat but sometimes it was a little over the top. But hey, I'm not complaining. I got my 6 credits for only $11 and I'm done for the year. Usually 2 credits cost around $20. So, it was a great money saver.

I also went to see Lovely Bones last night. It was pretty much what I expected as far as the plot line went. Although, I'm not sure how I feel about the ending yet. I definitely want to read the book to see how they differ. I always have a dilemma when it comes to this choice. Do I read the book first and be disappointed by the movie? Or do I see the movie first and then not feel all that compelled to read the book all the way through because I know (basically) what's going to happen? I still can't decide which I like best. Oh, well.

I'm going to keep a counter going at the end of my blog about what book # I'm on. One of my goals this year is to read 40 books!

Books Read:2

*sigh*

This morning my mom came over so I could help her with a baby shower game. On the way over she noticed she had a flat. I had to go pick her up. Having a flat can't be fun. Although I wouldn't know from first hand experience. I've never had one. At least it only cost her fifteen dollars to get it fixed.
I love helping with baby shower stuff. I love kids (especially babies) and enjoy planning these things. Plus,as my mom put it, it was an excuse to spend time with her. all I did was cut some squares though. And I had to get up earlier than i normally would have. So that kind of sucked.
Now i'm babysitting. Which is nice. I've had both of these kids in my class and the little girl I had as a baby. She's one of my favorites. But i'm feeling awfully lonely. This always happens when I get to spend lots of time with my friends and then they go back to school. Plus my best friend just called me and I couldn't talk cause I'm babysitting. Also my mom was teasing me about her never having grandkids. She does this all the time. It never used to bug me but now it kind of stings. It's not my fault I'm not in a relationship. If my life was perfectly how I wanted it than I would be married And have children. But life isn't perfect and hardly ever goes according to plan. Does she think I'm purposefully not finding someone just so she can't have grandkids? Sheesh! my pack of love life most definitely does not revolve around her. It's ridiculous how much little comments like that hurt. I know it was just meant to be a joke. But it's not funny. Add this to the fact that literally everyone I am close to is in a relationship and it makes for one lonely me. *sigh* but such is my life.
And now this blog has turned into a "poor me" story. Moving right along... This new year is going to be a good one. This last year has been a transition year for me and although I have no idea what my future holds I am ready for something new. I do not make resolutions, however I do set goals. I have some good ones this year. One of them is to read 40 books this year. So now, in order to end off on a good note, I am going to go read.
P.s. I hate the fact that when I get ready in 15 minutes and have no one to see except the kids I'm babysitting I look cute. But If I had somewhere to be tonight I would undoubtedly not looks as cute. Stupid.
EDIT: This was also put up late due to me typing it up on my ipod.

a week into the new year

A week has passed in the new year and I still haven't written a blog post! Or made a vlog for that matter. But I did just film one in my car on my lunch break. It's obviously going to be a winner. It's one of those look at the past year and set goals for the new year videos. Which I think is important because you've told people and feel more obligated to reach your goals. But the video is kind of rushed and late. Oh well. It's the story of my life. I am notorious for procrastinating. I driven by goals and deadlines. Otherwise I don't accomplish things. Hence the neccesity of fore-mentioned vlog.
I'm writing this at work and for the life of me, I can't remember when I last blogged. Probably not a good sign. So to cover all my bases I'll just recap a little.
Christmas was good this year. I enjoyed my family tile and only got a little sad once. That's really good for me! Which in and of it's self is a little sad. But we won't dwell on it. I don't. It was a little weird having Christmas dinner at someone else's house. My parents have become pretty good friends with a family of my mom's coworker. That sentence was udderly confusing but hopefully you got it. I don't know this family all that well but I've seen them a few times. It wasn't awkward really. Just different.
We also saw Sherlock Holmes on Christmas which I thought was really good! I like when characters are bad asses because of their brain power. On a side note I also saw Avatar recently. The animation in it was really awesome. I do, however think the storyline is a mix of Pocahontas and Fern Gully.
New Year's eve was a ton of fun! I did a fondue party house because I got a fondue pot for Christmas. It actually turned out better than I thought it was going to. I'd seen fondue made before but never actually made it myself. It was delicious! We rang in the New Year with champagne and played some board games. There's nothing better than being surrounded by your closest friends. So much fun!
This last week has been filled with getting used to my new work schedule and returning to the pre-k classroom. It's very different from infants and takes awhile to adjust. But all is going well!
EDIT: I wrote this on my ipod and e-mailed it and yes, it is up late!

Downtown

So I wanted to expand a little bit on the whole downtown experience. I have been out to a few other bars before but until Saturday I hadn't ever been downtown. Which apparently is a completely different experience. Which it was. So Denise and I started off drinking at her house because we didn't want to pay for drinks while we were out, which was just fine by me. We met up with a few of our other friends (and some of hers which I didn't already know) for a cookie exchange party and then headed downtown after. We first went to China Blue and we got into the VIP section which was pretty cool. They had a good DJ and a really cool dance floor that lit up with different colors. It was pretty fun dancing there because we were literally the only onesnon the dance floor. But it was also a little bit awkward because everyone else was just watching is dance. But whatever. We didn't stay there too terribly long because there wasn't that many people here and we were meeting up with a few other people. At least I got to feel important for a little while with my floresent orange wrist band. Haha. Next we headed to Mac and Charlies. This is where we spent most of our time. I had a drink there, and it was really good. I can't even tell you what it was because I let someone else order it for me. I like trying new things. Here's where the story takes a turn. Nohing horrible happened. It was just weird. There were tons of people there and Denise was trying to point people out but it was so loud in there that I could hear her about half the time. I'm not any good at lip reading anyways. So conversation proved difficult. We made our way to the dance floor. I was dancing with the girls when this group of like three guys joined us. Which I am totally fine with. I mean, it's just dancing. No big deal. So I gave him my full attention. This, apparently, was not the best of ideas. Dancing was fine but it got a little uncomfortable when he decided he should place open mouthed kisses on my ear/hair/neck. But I just told myself to get through the song. It's not like he was groping me or anything. After the song was overnight literally turned my back on him and tried to join the girls again. Which would have been fine except for the fact that the other members of my guy's group were dancing with my group! Pretty soon I found myself dancing with this guy again only dancing with my girls too. When that song ended he girls ditched me! I don't think they purposefully left me behind but they did. So I dance with this guy for like half ofthe next song and then he said he had to go. Which was more Than fine by me. I must have looked confused (even though I'm pretty sure me face read "please do leave!") because he proceeded to explain toe that he had a friend waiting outside by that he did want to get to know me. At this point I don't know how I kept from laughing. But I did. I reassured him it was fine and he left. First off, I definitely was not offended by him leaving. I was glad! Second, I went downtown to have fun, not to meet someone. I did not want to get to know him. Third, I'm pretty sure that "get to know you" was code for "see you naked". This most definitely was not going to happen! I mean, I give the guy points for trying. But does that line work on anyone?He obviously didn't actually want together to know me or he would have at least asked me my name. Oh boys... Haha. We stuck around for a little while longer but then finished up our night at Roddy's. This place was my favorite I think. Although it could be just because I was glad to get away from that guy. But it had a much more relaxed environment. It's a country bar :) We danced there a bit too and I did some lip syncing. Haha. We left at two when the bar closed and started looking for a taxi. My nameless guy appeared out of no where! I was too far away to hear anyhin he said but Denise yelled at him that we were gettin a taxi home. Alone. Haha. I lover her! We made it home safe and sound (after some sister drama). And that my friends, was my first downtown experience. So fun mixed with some drama and stalking. But hey, at least I lived! 

blah...

Today I am feeling uberly unmotivated. My house is a disaster area. It seriously looks as though I had a frat party here last night. Or something equal to that. In reality I haven't cleaned my house since before NaNoWriMo. *sigh* I really need to clean. But the messier it gets the more I don't want to clean. I don't know where to start, it's too much work, blah blah blah. haha. Also I need to film a video for my collab channel. But I'm feeling unmotivated to do that either. This is going to be a really whiny blog. yep. Also, I can't decide on a charity for my p4a video and because I don't have much time left I'm thinking the video isn't going to be that good anyways and so I should probably just give up now. Yeah, it's definitely a very unmotivating day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I slept most the of the day away. I got up at like 3:30 this afternoon. I had my first ever downtown experience last night. It was fun. I didn't even drink that much, but I had to get up at like 9:30 and drive Denise to get her car. I pretty much never wake up that early on weekends and so I came home and went right back to bed and slept forever. But I think I slept too much, which just leaves me groggy and unmotivated. (I wonder how many times I've used that word in this blog. hmm...) So, I am writing to vent in the hopes that I will actually do something. I did start some laundry... so that's at least something. I think I may just need some caffeine. That could be the problem. Probably is actually. Okay... getting some caffeine. I knew that blogging would help!

NaNoWriMo ends...

Geez! It's been awhile. NaNoWriMo has come to an end and I've been having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. It gave me an excuse not to clean house,cook,vlog,or do laundry. None of these thing have gotten since either. I have become addicted to Grey's Anatomy and that's what I've been doing in place of NaNoWriMo. I'm almost done with the fourth season! Back to the whole NaNoWriMo thing for a minute. I did win! I'm really proud of that with it being my first year and all. Writing 50,000 words was easier than I thought it was going to be. Yes sometimes I felt unmotivated, but for the most part it was awesome! Plus it helped keep me distracted from some personal things that happened this month. Having that goal helped me keep my mind off things. I may write about this some oher time. But for now I'll leave it at that. I really can't wait until next November to try again. This time I will have a better plan. This year I knew where my story was going, because I pretty much wrote out a story I had been writing in my head for years. The problem proved to be that I don't really like my main charater, I can't write dialouge, there were major plot holes, and I wrote it from the wrong point of view. You know, really minor things like that! Haha. I reached the word goal but did not finish the story. And I'm pretty sure I won't. It's just crapy writing. This is the first time I have attempted to write anything even close to this long, so it doesn't really bug me. It was a learning process and next year I'll be ready with a god plot line, character sketches, and hopefully better dialouge writing! Since I told basicaly everyone I know I was doing NaNoWriMo (so I wouldn't back out) people naturally want to read my story. I keep telling them no because it's really bad. I mean, did you see my reasons above? Obviously I don't want people reading that! But they don't understand. They are simply impressed by my attempt at writing a book (and rightly so) they're not factoring in that I'm not a proffesional writer (which sadly I am not). I even had a friend on facebook tell me that I should get my writing to where I  am comfortable with others reading it! At first I was put off but then I just had to laugh. That is kind o the goal. But obviously this person has never attepted to write a novel. I know the difference between good and bad writing. I do not want to let people read crap. That isn't fun for anyone. They wouldn't enjoy reading it and there isn't any constructive critism to be given. The best they could do is say, " wow this really doesn't work! There are some good spots but overall it's a mess." which I already know! So I don't really see the point in that excersice. Seems like a waste of time to me! Eventually I will write something I will let others read. Just not now. Oh! Totally off topic, but I got a formspring account! Go ask me ridiculous questions! http://formspringme.com/chrystieness I think that's all for now. Oh! Except I am at work and typing this on my new iPod touch, Luna, whom I absolutly love! Cheers!     

personality types, end of november

I've gotten bad at posting again :(

November is almost over which means the end of NaNoWriMo. I've been really, really thankful for it this month. It has kept my mind off of other things. It's getting down to the wire. I have 7,000 odd words left to type. This last Sunday I wrote 10,000 words which was freakin' amazing. seriously. I've been loving the productiveness that is coming from writing a novel. I'm still going...

about that "other" thing. I did in fact have that heart to heart i needed to. Only it kinda ended up being just my heart and then some yelling. Not how i wanted it to go, but what can you do. This person has been basically lying to me (if not directly then by omission) for a while now :( It's not a good situation. But, strangely enough i have been able to kind of put it past me and move on faster than i thought. I've been doing good. In the past I have been somewhat notorious for wallowing in situations that go bad with this person. I'm proud of me for this!

The New Moon premiere was fun. A small group of us went and I enjoyed the movie. There were things I did and didn't like about the movie, but overall it was good. It's weird to me that just a year ago twilight came out. It's been quite the year...

I took the Jung Typology test and got INTJ (introverted,Intuitive,thinking,judging) which is really good at describing me, like scarily good. If you would like to take the test visit: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp it's pretty interesting.

Half Way

A lot has happened since I last posted. So, I will try to just summarize:

I lost a filling. I was writing for NaNoWriMo, and of course eating snacks, and popped a filling. So not good. I have an appointment of Tuesday for a consultation. Hopefully they'll be able to just re-fill my tooth. Right now it's pretty much just annoying.

It's the half-way point of NaNoWriMo and I'm right on track at 25,055 words. I really wish I was ahead, but being on track is good. Like I've said before, I am a notorious procrastinator. So really, being on track is good. I almost kind of feeling like I'm missing out on the NaNoWriMo experience by not being behind. Part of the whole thing is being stressed out, pushing yourself to your potential. I haven't really been that stressed yet. I've had days where I haven't wanted to write, but I haven't been stressed yet. I need to get a day's worth of words ahead on my word count, because on Thursday I am going to the New Moon premiere. I'm probably not going to be writing that day.

My birthday! It was fun. I spent my actual birthday looking cute and watching the BSU vs. Vandals game at the ram. Then I came home and watched Grey's Anatomy (and because of this crying!). It was pretty great. I like when I'm not the one being focused on. Then I had a really good talk with Jeanine. Then I had a horrible talk with a boy. The boy actually. The one I've been wanting to let go of forever and just can't seem to. This is the same boy I've been talking about needing to let go of forever. I love him, and it's freakin' hard. But I have been letting go of him, or at least trying. We talked last night, and although it didn't go exactly like I wanted it to, at least he knows I'm serious about letting him go, about moving on. So we'll see how that goes. I'm like 85% sure I can do it. Even though I know I need to let him go, and it's been pathetically too long,it still hurts. It always hurts. I just really,really, hope i can move on this time.

Today, I went to my parents house and had a little party. Kayla came over too, which was great. We ate, played games, and just talked. I'm really exited because my parents bought me tickets to go see Relient K and TobyMac in concert. It's going to be awesome! I also got money for books,undies,a journal,and some money from my parents. Even though I wasn't looking forward to this birthday just because of the whole age thing, it's been really fun. Even with the whole boy thing. I have a great family and great friends :)


NaNoWriMo words: 20,055

Days to New Moon premiere: 4

a day full of brunch

So... it's like 1:00 in the morning and I'm heading to bed right after this. Today I woke up and went to my parents house to have brunch with them, my sister, and her boyfriend. I was actually really nice and per usual my mom made way too much food. Then I kind of just stuck around. I had so much to do today but I just stayed. My sister had plans to die my mom's hair and we had to go pick up hair dye. I decided to have her do mine too and now my hair is a nice auburn color! so yay for that. It took awhile, we just took our time. I actually had a lot of fun hanging out with them today. Not that my family isn't interesting it's just that usually I would rather be doing something else. My sister and I got along pretty well and we even had a few laughing fits. We talked about things we used to do as kids. We focused on the positive. It mostly consisted of us chatting about our weird movie tastes as kids. For instance some of our favorites included: The Dark Crystal,Happily Ever After,Fern Gully, Little Nemo,and Hocus Pocus. Yeah, we were strange children.

I came home with the need to clean house, vlog, and write. I ended up writing )though not as much as I wanted), watching Grey's Anatomy, and straightening my hair. Fail on the vlogging. Hopefully things will go smoothing for that tomorrow. Seriously, I am crossing my fingers.

As far as NaNoWriMo goes, I am slowing down considerably. I was on such a role! I'm still ahead, just not where I wanted to be. I really wanted to be half way done by tonight. It was nice to find out through all my pep talks that the second week is infamously the worst one. So, I am not alone. Tomorrow I plan on having a very productive writing/cleaning night. Hopefully it will go as planned. I think part of the reason the second week is so hard is that you've moved past introducing your character and have started the plot, but you get caught up on gaining momentum to move the plot to the end of the story. At least this is the case with me. My middle of the story is lagging in content. It's the "everything's happy" part of the story that is kind of hard to show. I want to just skip ahead to the conflict and then resolve it. But, i have character's personalities to build and get to know you's to do. That is the middle section. So not as fun as the beginning or end!

Also, the chartjackers song came out today! I'm really excited to see how it does. Even if it doesn't make it into the charts at least money is going to charity. To be perfectly honest I really do adore the song though! It's pretty awesome :) If you don't know what I'm talking about visit http://www.youtube.com/ChartJackersProject to find out more. It's a great story of how the internet community can come together for good! You can find "I've Got Nothing" the ChartJacker's single on itunes.

okay, for realsies now I'm heading to bed!

NaNoWriMo word count: 19,233 (still fairly awesome)

Days to my birhtday: 6

remember remember the fifth of november

I am currently watching V for Vendetta. I love that movie. It's so fitting seeing that it is the fifth of November.

Tonight I had a kind of write-a-thon though I only wrote 4,000 words. It works. I would have really liked to write 2,000 more. But I also really wanted to watch this movie. The movie won out.

I hung out in blogtv with Dr.Noise tonight also. Which was really fun. There were only about 40 people in the chat so I could actually talk. It was a nice change. I've never really listened to his music before but he is really talented. I'll have to look more into it. :)

I've actually been getting more sleep since I started NaNoWriMo which doesn't make any sense at all. Seriously. I think that writing this much makes me emotionally drained, therefore I go to bed a little earlier and sleep well. That's the only explanation I can think of.

On my lunch break I saw something horrible. A teen boy (my guess is around 14) was riding a bike without any helmet. This in and of it's self is bad. But he was also toting what I assume is his little brother on his bike. The kid was around two and was sitting on the handle bars. He wasn't wearing a helmet either. I was speechless. It makes me sick. I wanted to take that child. I just don't understand. To me, not wearing a helmet while riding a bike is more dangerous than not wearing your seatbelt in your car. At least in your car you have a buffer from the road. It scares me. He was biking down a very busy road and crossing traffic. I think riding your bike without a helmet should be illegal. Not cool.

NaNoWriMo word count: 16,091 (and it's only day five!)

days to my birthday:9

days to New Moon premiere:15

November is a good month :)

too tired...

I'm too tired to post tonight even though I want to :( so, i'm going to keep it really short. I did my 2,000 words today. It took me a long time and I kinda had to force it, but I made it. yay! going to bed now. I have to be at work at 7am and it is currently 12:26 am. It's going to be great. Write-a-thon tomorrow night :)


NaNoWriMo word count: 12,011

oh the crazyness!

So... it's three days into NaNoWriMo and I'm doing great. I never thought it would be this easy to just write. I've tried (not very hard) before to write but I could never do it. You know why? because I'm a perfectionist. I wanted my writing to sound like the perfect novel right out of my brain. I know that's not how it works, but that's how I wanted it to work. NaNoWriMo has given me permission to suck. It's about getting ideas and words on to paper, not writing a publishable novel. This is much easier than I ever would have guessed. So far the story is flowing pretty well. There have been no major hang-ups. But then again it is only the third day. There's plenty of time for that.

Writing this novel is taking over my life though. First off, I have a very addictive personality. I like to dive into things fully and get them done fast and efficiently. I like to bask in every facet of the chosen obsession. So, writing this novel is driving me a little crazy. I'm trying to keep up with other people's word counts. Any time I am not doing anything all I can think about is how i should be working on my novel. Take right now for instance. I'm writing this blog post to help calm me down a little. Well, that and partly because strangely once I start writing I only want to write more. But, pretty much all I can think about as i type this is how great it would be if this many more words were going into my novel. I'm going to be an expert typist after this. Maybe I'll get a job as a secretary :) It's funny because before I started writing I thought I would be procrastinating a bunch. That is my usual way. But so far I've been very ahead. For like the first time ever in my life. It's a good feeling.

This month, besides being NaNoWriMo, also contains my birthday (I'll be 22), the New Moon premiere, and (of course) Thanksgiving! It's going to be a crazy month! That is all for now, thanks for letting me talk (or write rather) your ear off!

NaNoWriMo words: 9,068

Day to my birthday:11

NaNoWriMo

So... today I spent the majority of my time writing. Heck, this is my second blog post of the day. I'm a writing machine! haha. Seriously though, i thought getting the words to flow would be harder. But there's no pressure to write well so that's a plus. There's only pressure to write. I have successfully writen 4,514 words of my 50,000 today. So, that's pretty good. The average word count is 1,667. So, as of now I'm ahead of the game. I just have to keep truckin'. Here's my problem. I'm feeling in the writing mood. And I am really scared that if I go to sleep, i'll lose motivation. I don't know why. I just have a feeling. I'm so in the zone of writing right now that I'm afraid sleeping, getting up, and working will knock me out of the zone and I'll freeze up and fall behind. However, I am now putting a story to paper that I've been writing in my head for years. The basic plot is there. Some of the conversations and things have been thought over so many times that putting them to life isn't going to be a problem at all. And so far the words have just flowed. But I don't want to get out of the groove. I want to win. I want to finish this novel. it's a big deal to me. I wish I could just lock myself up for like a week and do nothing but write- i'm sure i'd get pretty far. I like counting the words. When I started this I had no idea how addicting the writing would be. I should have known. I have a very addictive personality. How could I not get caught up in this. Hopefully, I will stay motivated *crosses fingers* cause I need to sleep. NEED to. I'm still sick and I do want to get better. I should have gone to bed like an hour ago. But now that I have vented I am going to bed so, goodnight. Thanks for listening to my rant :)

NaNoWriMo count: 4,514!!!

Halloween and pre-writing

I'm hurriedly typing this because I really REALLY need to start writing on my NaNoWriMo novel. But for some reason I felt the need to blog first. Maybe to put my mind at rest before I start in on my novel. Halloween was really fun. I helped my mom plan this big party and had this really awesome costume:



I am a zombie bride. I was really excited about this costume and it turned out pretty freakin awesome!

Kayla and I went to help my mom set up for the party and help with food. Then we came back to my house and got ready. Thanks so much to Kayla because she basically saved my hair for the costume. I fail at curling hair. haha. We arrived at my parent house with plenty of time to spare and set up music. I've been sick this week so my head was pounding. I took some meds though and got to feeling pretty good after I had a few drinks. I turned to Kayla about mid way in the party (we were sitting on the couch) and said "I don't know why I thought this was going to be fun". We had virtually done nothing and we didn't really know anyone. There was only one game planned (pull an apple off a string that is hanging from a tree). This is not the way I usually plan parties. But I was only helping. Kayla, my sister, her boyfriend, their roomate, and I found ourselves upstairs and playing cards. I love cards and so far that was the funnest part of the night. After that we headed back down stairs and the dancing begun. I'm not a big club/hip-hop music dancing kinda girl. I perfer techno/dancy music that i can jump up and down and twirl to. haha. but it was fun. If you know me you know I'm pretty crazy sometime and as proved last night I get that from my mom. haha. but it was awesomely fun! I did however, over exert myself and ended having quite a few coughing fits. Out of that I ended up with a bruised rib. *sigh* but it was worth it. Kayla and I came back to my house and watched Hocus Pocus and then went to bed. All in all it was an awesome night :)

NaNoWrimo word count:0!!!! I am leaving to go write write write! wish me luck! my couch is becoming my home for the next month.

I always feel the need to blog when I should be sleeping, so it seems. I am pretty sick. I mean, I have a cough and my ears are plugged up, and lots of sinus pressure. Some people probably get this a lot. But I don't hardly ever get sick. Stupid sickness. I have been sick for like a week now too, and that's quite a while for me! bah! I want to be well cause Halloween is Saturday and I want to be able to have fun (and hear!). It'll be my first ever Halloween party. It's exciting. I'm going to be a zombie bride and have my costume pretty much all finished. What else...

youtube. I love youtube. The collab channel with the girls is going great! but my personal channel is falling way, way behind. I'm all vlogged out by the time I do my betweenusfriends video. Well, partly that and partly the fact that all my good ideas come to me in the middle of the day. I'm at work and can't film, and if I don't film them right away then I lose motivation and am convinced that idea was stupid anyways. I would idealistically like to vlog once a week on there. *sigh* I'll work on this.

NaNoWriMo. I'm excited! I am not freaking out...yet. Although I know I should be. I have no real plan. I'm going to be writing a story that I've been writing in my head for years. So, I'm hoping it will come out fairly painlessly. It doesn't have to be good. The point is to get the words out, quantity not quality. That comes later. I am kinda nervous talking about it though. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm writing about. I don't want to tell them. It's a weird thing to me. To tell someone your idea or have them read your writing is a very personal thing. It's like letting someone into your mind. They see how you think, how you view the world. I mean, it's fiction. It's not real. But you stem from real ideas, feeling, and perspective. Some truth comes out of made-up characters. And, I think my novel makes me look slightly, idealistic. Which isn't bad. But I think people will think that I'm "cute" or "young". I don't know. Again, it is proved to me that I care what people think. This definitely bugs me. a lot. Oh! and I'm not going to actually be writing the first few days cause Kayla is coming to stay with me. So I'll be starting off behind... yeah.

er. This is a hard one. That person I was letting go of a few blog posts back. yeah. I haven't. They have the uncanny ability to manipulate me. We've been going round and round in this dysfunctional circle of crazy. We both know it. And I'm done. I need to be done. I have to be done. and I just am. I'm tired of being so very masochistic. I've learned so much, but now need to move on with that knowledge. I just have to tell the person. there's the hard part. Well, not really. The harder part is sticking to what I say. I have the worst will power when it comes to this person. Those who know me well call them my kryptonite. It's that bad. But I must do it. Wish me luck!

Recap. To Do:

*video for personal channel
*tell people what my novel is about
*have a heart to heart and stick to my guns

awesome! well, I'm heading to bed in hopes I'll wake up with a miraculous drained ear. Oh, and tomorrow I'm having a Sex in the City marathon with Kayla! yay!


EDIT- I was just looking through older posts and in a lot of them i say i'm sick. so apparently I like to blog when i'm sick also... *shakes head*

being set up?!?!? ...

A few of my coworkers have taken it up as their personal mission to find me a boy. They want to see me go on a date. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, it's really not a big deal. What can one date hurt right? Here's the thing though. I've never actually been on a date. yep. I am almost 22 years old and I have never been on a date. Why you ask? I've always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic but also have a very realist side. My parents didn't want me dating until I was eighteen (which, you know, is only slightly ridiculous) but I wouldn't have anyways. No one I knew or met in high school was worth it to put it bluntly. I never really got the point of dating for the heck of it. Why in the world would I want to date and have a relationship with someone who I knew it wasn't going anywhere with? But maybe it's just my personality. I have a really really hard time with casual relationships of any sort. I'm either all in or all out for the most part. I get deeply emotionally attached and refuse to become unattached. That in itself warrants worry for this potential date. I won't know this person. I don't do small talk well at all. I don't like meeting new people. I have never done any of this before. However, add on the fact that despite me never officially being in a relationship, I've been in love with this boy I basically grew up with and have known since I was like ten or eleven. I started to like him when I was like 17. And I didn't admit it for a whole year. I had never really even had a crush on a boy before. I mean, I had seen things I admired in other boys, or thought they were cute. But I could always pin-point why they weren't right for me. But this boy, he stole my heart. It took two years (three maybe?) for him to start to like me. It was so slow going from my perspective. But then he did! And we started talking and talking and talking. We had already been really good friends. I went to see him (he lives in another state) and he missed an opportunity to kiss me (silly nervous boy!). After I returned we talked and he basically ended it, it kind of happened abruptly. I spent a year depressed. It was sad and pathetic. ridiculous, but it happened. I was in love with him and it was hard. I felt as though I had not only lost a love but also a very close friend. And then began our cycles. With him it never seems to be over. We are both inexplicably drawn to each other. We know each other too well for our own good sometimes. I'm getting over him... now it's just the moving on part that poses a problem. This makes me really nervous for my potential date. Not necessarily the first one, but if anything came out of it. I mean, how do I explain my crazy emotions for this boy i wasn't in a relationship with? The whole thing was just ridiculous. Also, part of me wonders if I can feel the same way about another person. I mean not exactly the same way, but as deep of feelings. And a huge part of me is intimidated by the process of getting to know/ letting someone get to know me again. It's so much work... and what if it doesn't work out. ahhhh..... My non-relationship thing with this boy has left me with lots of issues but no practical experience. Stupid! Not to mention that being set up is just weird in and of itself. I generally like to have met a person and kind of know them before I hang out with them... and this goes just for friends. I can't imagine meeting a date on a first date. That just brings so much pressure. bah! These things scare me to death. I'm not afraid to be myself, but letting anyone into my life is a big deal for me. wish me luck :)

I'm writing this blog post mostly to feel as though I have accomplished something today. I had all these plans and then didn't get to any of them. fail. Me and my mom have decided to throw a Halloween party which should be fun. Before this I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to dress up at all or what I was going to do. I have decided to be a zombie bride. I am going to make the dress. I found a really easy (or so it should be) tutorial on youtube. After work today I went and bought all the stuff I needed to make my costume and grocery shopped. But I had plans to set up the sewing machine and get started on at least cutting material. Plus, in order to make the dress, I have to have one of those mannequin- like things (i forget the name) that you hang clothes on that you're sewing so you can pin it. They're expensive, so instead I'm making one of my own. To do this I had to put on an old baggy shirt and then have my sister wrap my in duct tape like three times. It was quite the adventure. First, you look and feel completely ridiculous. Second, it gets really hard to move and breath. Third, it's slightly awkward to have someone wrap your entire torso in duct tape. But, that part is done and today I was going to stuff it (so it won't collapse) and then make a stand for it. But I got home and just crashed. I put away groceries (that's a plus) and then sat on the couch while eating my "dinner" of cheese and crackers while checking up on the interweb. Then, when there was nothing left to look at and I was bored, what do you think I did? Did I get started on all that other stuff? Of course not. I sought out new youtube subscriptions, and sat around some more. Right about now I should be in bed, but I had to accomplish something. I just had to, or I would feel completely lame. So I am posting this blog entry telling you about how I did nothing, therefore doing something! yay!

THINGS I WANTED TO DO (but didn't)
-set up sewing maching
-finish mannequin -like thingy (that's the technical term)
-cut material
-vlog
-make and eat an actual dinner

THINGS I DID DO:
-put away groceries
-shop for stuff
-check the interweb
-eat (kind of)
-blog


yeah. Go me! It's just the more I thought about all the stuff I wanted to do when I got off work while I was sitting, the less I wanted to do it. Even though I was bored and had nothing to do. Oh, cycle of procrastination you make no sense. How will I ever make it through NaNoWriMo. *sigh*